Faith in Family
by EasilyObsessed8408
Summary: Dean was furious at Sam after the events in the 'Dark Side of the Moon' but Castiel uses Sam's real favourite memories and his worse to restore Dean's faith in his brother.
1. Safe in a Brother's Arms

**Faith in Family **

**Chapter One: ****Safe in a Brother's Arms **

**Disclaimer: **** I do not own Supernatural.**

**Word Count for Chapter: ** **4800- It was exactly that it made me very happy (I am a bit strange)**

**Summary: ****Dean was furious at Sam after the events in the 'Dark Side of the Moon' but Castiel uses Sam's real favourite memories and his worse to restore Dean's faith in his brother.**

**Warnings: ****There is swearing in this fic, so be warned. But it is Dean Winchester so don't be so surprised.**

**John is not seen in a positive light in this fic, so if you are fan, I would advise you not to read this. I hope you enjoy this story and will be back for the next chapter. This fanfiction is completed, and a chapter **_**will**_ **be posted every Thursday at a non-specified time and they will be five chapters.**

**If you like or dislike this fic please tell me your views and constructive criticism is welcomed and any corrections that may be needed. Please don't flame me, if you really have to. Rant at your screen at your leisure.**

**On we go… **

He stomped through the forest which was opposite the crappy motel they had stopped at for the night, breaking underfoot fallen branches as he went, he had no idea how long he had been walking for, Sam probably hadn't even noticed that he had gone, he thought bitterly.

Dean had realised that Sam always wanted a normal life with a wife, some rugrats, a white picket fence, the whole nine yards but he thought when Sam finally figured out what he truly wanted, and he would be involved again. Well, that was what he used to want, he had no idea now. It seems at the moment that his baby brother, who had practically brought up, didn't even care if he was in his life or not, it was more like he just wanted to get rid of him. It was like they were together for convenience.

During his rapid walk around the woods, Castiel appeared in front of him thankfully he had enough awareness not to appear front of him or he probably would of felt like he walked into a brick wall, he immediately brought out his gun before he realised who it was.

"Damn it, Cas!" Dean muttered, bringing his gun down in a less defensive position, "Do you want me to freakin' shoot you?"

He heard the fallen angel mumble something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like 'No, I can't be bothered to find a new overcoat.' If Dean wasn't in such a miserable mood he would have grinned at Castiel's antics.

"Why are you here Cas?" Dean sighed; Castiel had a hidden talent which was whenever he appeared he seemed to make the situation they where in vastly more complicated than it seemed to be before.

"I need to show you something, it seems that my brothers haven't been honest with you neither has yours," Castiel informed him, gruffly.

"I don't think Sam has ever been honest with me," Dean laughed, it was without humour and sounding resentful.

"That is the reason why I am here," Castiel told him, fishing around for something in his pockets and pulling out a dog-eared blue notebook which looked like it had pages falling out and was covered in fluffy white clouds and Dean knew exactly what it was.

It was his little brother's diary, one that Sam had kept from he was about ten he hadn't seen since Sam went to Stanford even as eighteen year old he had wrote in it and Dean the awesome big brother he was and teased him mercilessly about it.

"Where did you get that?" Dean snapped, even as the biggest bastard he could possibly be, he had always respected Sam's right for privacy so he never even considered even touching it.

"I salvaged it," Castiel replied, "I had to repair the book into its original form before the fire."

"You didn't go back into the past, did you?" Dean asked sharply, remembering the fallen angel's reaction last time they had tried that.

"No," Castiel said hastily, seeing the ferocious protective instinct flare up in Dean's eyes, "Someone owes me a favour."

Before Dean had a chance to grill about who owes Castiel a favour he placed his index finger on Dean's forehead and they went spinning off into oblivion and spat out again.

The hunter hated the feeling of being transported with any angel especially is it's unexpected, it feels like your stomach completely flips over and it disorientates you so you don't know where you are or what is happening. After the fogginess was over, he saw where he was, in an apartment which was vaguely familiar; it had ghastly wallpaper which consisted of a deep grey background and a garish pattern on top which was deep dark green colour. Dean guessed the apartment's carpet was once cream but now was dingy grey colour and had big black spots staining it, there was a bright red sofa which clashed with everything in the room which was pointing face forwards to old TV set. What was the most peculiar thing in the entire room which included a painting which looked like it was a motorcycle that had crashed into a tree was that a younger version of him and his father looked like they where on pause in a film like they were talking animatedly about something. He looked around about fourteen and had an extreme annoyed look on his face but he looked behind him and saw a ten year old Sammy with his little chubby cheeked head peering around the door with a hopeful expression.

"Cas, why did you take me here?" Dean asked the angel who was looking around the room curiously like he had been a few moments ago, he would of sworn that Castiel's face lit up when he saw a younger and much smaller version of Sam.

"We are going through some of Sam's best and worst memories," Castiel said, in way which was slightly stern like he didn't want Dean to over react.

"I have already seen his best," Dean reminded him, "Why would I want to see them again? I think I already know his worst!"

"No, you haven't, not his true ones anyway and not the real reason why they were his best either," Castiel said, not really paying much attention to Dean as his eyes where fixed on Sam's diary.

Dean knew that he probably would have to get this done and over with or Castiel would be happy to rot with him for all eternity probably not even noticing that much time had gone past so he sighed, "Hit me."

This got Castiel attention as he gave Dean a confused look which included the infamous head tilt and asked, "Why would I hit you?"

"Just play the damn memory and for god's sake don't hit me," Dean ordered, wondering how a creature like Castiel could even exist.

Again, the angel fished through his pockets until he found a small black remote like the ones that comes with a CD player.

"Why do you have a remote?" Dean asked, exasperated.

"How else am I going to play the memory? It is what humans do right? I have seen you use it with the Television set," Castiel told him.

"Fine, whatever," Dean sighed, and watched Castiel pressed the button.

"_Dad, he'll get more exercise if you let him join the team, he can do that as well as running!" Dean said like he had enough and was waving his arms about madly, "You keep complaining that he never gets any exercise!" _

Dean now remembered this in full force and smiled, he made sure that the apartment had gone far from his mind mostly because it stank and you could hear rats scuttling everywhere but this was one of the times where Sam actually saw how he used to stand up to Dad for him.

"_Well, I have decided that it's time to start training him so he's more prepared, so he can help us the war against the supernatural," John barked, his fist banging against the table which made it groan in protest. _

_Dean winced, he knew his baby brother was watching and even though Sam now knew about all the supernatural beings out there, he still didn't want him to be involved._

While his father said this, he slammed his fist against the table; Sammy whimpered which nearly made Dean turn around and attempt to pull him up in his arms but Castiel guessing his next move grabbed the hunter's arm painfully forcing him to watch his and his father's interaction.

"_Sammy is not old enough!" Dean protested, all respect forgotten, "Why do you all keep telling me to protect him but you want to force into some twisted type of your personal hell which gets both me and Sam into danger! Do you know what you are? You're selfish!"_

Dean was speechless, he never remembered saying such horrible things to his father normally Sam would be the one who would have said things like that but he knew his own expressions and the one that adorned his face was panic, he wanted to keep his brother's innocence as long as he possibly could. At that age, it was one of the most important things to him

_John seemed to be having a similar reaction to what the older Dean was having, his son had never said anything like that before, but the thing was it wasn't full of resentment or had been building up throughout the years from bitterness, it was that both Dean and his Dad had programmed into Dean since forever that his main job was to protect Sammy and when he thought something was threatening to him that he should go against and forget all the consequences. _

"_What did you just say to me, boy?" John stood up, growling._

_Dean felt his courage disappearing, as the full height of his father was intimidating and made him feel small and helpless, he turned his head towards Sammy and suddenly he felt brave, Dean was the one who always knew what was best for his baby brother and if Sammy wanted to play soccer he was going to play soccer and there was no way in hell he was going to start training. He could fight well enough to protect the both of them._

Castiel paused the scene, and pulled out Sam's diary, he flipped through a few pages of the book and opened it on the page that was only a few pages away from the front and began to read, _**"At that moment when Dean looked at me, at first he looked scared, you couldn't really blame though Dad is really scary when he wants to be but when he turned away, the look on his face changed, they was determination. In that moment I realised maybe he needed me as much as I needed him."**_

"It does not say that!" Dean protested, snatching the book out of the fallen angel's hand.

Dean skimmed through the page to see where Castiel had quoted from, he found it and when he saw that it was in his brother's tidy ten year old handwriting, he laughed and said, "What a girl! I knew he needed bloody chick flick moments somewhere so he wrote them!"

"Are you going to take this seriously?" Castiel asked, annoyed his blue eyes flashing, "I had to pull in a pretty big favour for this to happen!"

"Fine, Cas, you don't have to go all nerd angel bitchy on me," Dean told him, grinning.

He had no idea how a younger Sammy writing something like that could make him feel happier than he had been in months, he knew this was Sam's hero-worship stage so it didn't really mean anything but it made him feel wanted and appreciated. Castiel faked a sigh at the abuse but he would rather Dean taking the mick out of him instead having reckless romps around the woods and most of this Dean needed to know about his family and it was now time for them to be known. He pulled out the remote and pressed play there was more that was needed to be seen on that day.

"_I called you selfish, Dad, Sam needs to have a social life so he won't become as twisted as you. Even if you say no, his still going, he needs this and frankly all that book reading is worrying me, I do not want my brother to become a geek extraordinaire!" Dean stood as well, to show his father that he wasn't scared and also he wasn't going to win this one._

The now much older hunter had to chuckled even when he was a young teenager and felt pressured and threatened he was still worried about his geekish tendencies.

"_You listen to me, boy!" John grounded out, now standing right in his personal space and looking down at him, "Sam will start his training and there is nothing you can do to stop it!"_

"_That is what you think, Dad, I would guess again. Sammy is going to play soccer and he's not going to train. You can turn me into a soldier but Sam will never be one. " Dean smirked, and sauntered off before his father could actually do something that would make him regret his smart words._

_They was scuttling behind his and Sam's bedroom, he pushed it open from the crack and slammed the door closed. John slumped down at the table and sighed, opened a draw which was on the table and pulled out a bottle of whisky and took a swig._

Castiel pulled Dean straight through a wall which felt like Castiel was pulling him through air, it was paused again, it was young Dean having a look of anger marked upon his face, and Sammy looking quite worried, the bedroom was small and crowded, there was only two beds and creaky table which held an ancient lamp on top of it which flashed repeatedly, Dean's side was a complete state however Sammy's side was neat and tidy.

"Play it already!" As Castiel was annoyingly taking it all in like he was cataloguing everything in the room, and Dean wanted to know what happened next.

_Sammy rushed towards his older brother and gripped him tight, Dean gave a moan of feigned annoyance but was grinning into Sam's shoulder, and the smile was sweet like the one when you don't expect to be hugged but it secretly makes your day. _

"_Thank-you," Sammy murmured, Dean just pulled him tighter into his arms, hoping that he never had to let him go._

"_**That was when I knew Dean would always have my back forever, normally it would only be against ghosts or creatures but defend to me against Dad, now I know my big brother would always be there to protect me not just because Dad had told him to, it was because he wanted to, I hope he knows it's the same for me to."**_ Castiel quoted, holding the blue book tightly in his hands with a small version of a smile.

"And that was one of his best memories? God, that kid's screwed up in the head," Dean muttered, shaking his head.

"Haven't you been paying attention?" Castiel questioned, intensely, "Sam knows that you would always have his back and this was the first time he fully got to appreciate it, this is why this memory is important to Sam!" In a tone that clearly suggested that Dean was an idiot.

"Maybe it's just because he is happy to be in my awesome presence," Dean smirked, cockily.

"If this was the case wouldn't one of his happiest memories would have been the first memory of you that he could remember?" Castiel asked, looking seriously confused.

"Oh shut up," Dean mumbled in defence which was poor but he was up against a fallen angel who couldn't tell you the difference between Harry Potter and Winnie the Pooh so it might work was Dean's flawed logic.

Castiel pressed a button on the remote and now they where in a motel room, pretty standard like they where used to but a thirteen year old Sammy was frozen but obviously crying and his seventeen year old self was standing at the door way. Dean could remember this one well and quite fond of this memory himself. The figures had now started to move.

_Dean looked at Sam, worried he rushed over to him; he hadn't seen his little brother sobbing like this in years, and it was like a dagger to his heart to see him like this, crying his heart out clutching a pillow, not even noticing his brother was there let alone the worried stares that he had been giving him._

"_Sammy," he said, placing himself right next to Sam, wrapping a protective arm around the shaking body which Sam immediately snuggled into, "What's wrong?" _

"_I-It's e-embr-brassing, you'll j-just l-au-ugh at m-me," Sam choked out, wiping the tears away from _his face.

"I won't laugh, come on Sammy, you can tell me anything," Dean tried, squeezing his shoulder when Sammy shook his head in a firm 'no', he decided to tease him, "I know what it is! Oh, Sammy how you dare get such an appalling mark on your biology exam, it's shocking!"

"I-I g-got an A*!" Sam growled, defending himself, tears still tracking his face and sobs still shaking his body.

"Exactly!" Dean boomed, and then his tone turned to falsely stern which sounded like his last Maths _teacher "Absolutely disgusting mark, you should be ashamed of yourself!" _

"_You're just jealous!" Sam was now distracted which made Dean's plan work, he knew his kid brother too well, "You could never a get a mark as good as that!"_

"_I happy with my straight c minuses, thanks, there is only room for one academic genius in this family," Dean informed him, completely serious, ruffling his hair._

"_Why am I only an academic genius? Haven't you realised I am genius in everything else as well?" Sam smirked, cockily._

_Dean smiled at him, recognising that look all too well and that tone of voice, it was one he himself used when he was making a particularly arrogant comment, so he did the same which put Sammy's copycatting to shame, "No, I am the genius in everything that matters! Now, brother of mine, are you going to tell me what's wrong or am I going to have to tickle it out of you?" He racked his fingers along with ribs as proof that he was planning to follow through with his threat which made Sam giggle which was high-pitched and childish. _

It was also music to present Dean's ears; it had been years since he heard Sam make a noise which was just full of joy, it made him smile, he had forgotten how ticklish his younger brother actually was, he had to wonder if he would receive the same action or just a bitch face, Dean guessed it would be the bitch face but Dean had to admit it was worth a try mostly to see which particular bitch face he would get.

"_You'll just think it's stupid," Sam protested, trying and failing to wiggle out Dean's firm grip as he had somehow managed to get a seat in Dean's lap with big strong arms wrapped around him, it also didn't help that he was smaller than an average thirteen year old more like a body of an eleven year old. _

_Dean made the sound of when a cross came up on 'Family Fortunes' and started to tickle Sam mercilessly as until Sam started to scream and wither in laughter, "Stop! Stop! I'll tell you! Stop this needless torture!"_

_Stopping 'the needless torture', Dean forced Sam back into his lap and wrapped his arms around him like before._

Dean had to admit both of them looked pretty adorable, his younger self hugging Sammy into his chest while Sam looking annoyed but saw the tinge of happiness of getting his older brother's attention with his head resting against just under his head. He wondered if he could try this as well with Sam but the Sasquatch would probably make him look like he was non-existent and then death from suffocation would follow.

"Can you pause it for a second?" Dean found himself asking.

"Sure," Castiel pressed the pause button.

Dean fumbled with his phone to get it out of his pocket; he pulled it out and asked mumbling Castiel, "Do you think I could take a picture?"

The hunter felt slightly embarrassed, he wasn't normally this sentimental but seeing him and his brother like that it was something he wanted remember forever, it was a time where they could be young and Dean could actually take care of his younger brother even though they still had all the monsters and the ghosts but they where freer and happier and they only had unserious arguments that didn't matter like if Sam had stolen a shirt of his or if he had hidden Sammy's homework which he had spent hours on.

"I think so, you might get a picture of a tree," Castiel replied, gruffly.

Dean nodded; he pressed the buttons on his phone to get the nearly unused camera phone, they where some he took when Sam was sleeping in funny positions so he could tease him mercilessly but that was awhile ago now. Ever since their relationship had gone down hill, Dean had stopped going out of his way to annoy his baby brother. That would have to start up again, Dean decided, a 'starter' of the apocalypse or not, an older brother always has to piss of his younger brother especially if it was a bitch of a brother like Sam. It was the natural order of things. Maybe after he told Sam what had happened, he could tease Sam for being wrapped in his arms like a baby, so took the picture. Castiel couldn't have paused the scene at a better time, Sammy was wrapped up in his arm looking content but his still slightly chubby cheeks had been reddened by tickling and his head was rested against his brother's neck, Dean was looking down at him with a small smile on his face.

Castiel looked at Dean for confirmation for him to start playing the memory again when Dean nodded so he pressed the button again.

"_So, Sam what's going through that noggin' of yours?" Dean asked, holding him tighter his lips in Sam's hair, looking like he was resisting the urge to kiss the boy's head._

"_It's stupid!" Sam announced his tone miserable any trace of laughter had been forgotten, "You'll just laugh at me!"_

"_I believe, Sammy boy, you've already said that," Dean smirked, and then this tone turned falsely dark and threatening, his hands sliding up Sammy's ribs in warning "Or do I have to tickle you, again?"_

"_You are such a jerk!" Sam announced, pushing against his chest, "I am not a baby anymore let me go!"_

"_I think 'baby brother' has the word 'baby' somewhere, baby brother," Dean using his arms to make Sam even more closer to him, "So, I guess you are going to have to suck it up, bitch!"_

"_I am thirteen, Dean!" Sam protested, lightly, but subconsciously snuggled closer to his brother, he hadn't held him like this since he had hit double digits and even though he did feel like a baby, he felt safe and protected in his brother's arms._

"_And you're trying to distract me," Dean accused, "Don't think you can outsmart me, if don't tell me in five seconds, I will have to tickle you again!"_

"_But Dean…" Sam was interrupted when Dean starting to count._

"_One!" _

"_Dean, come on!" Sam started to struggle._

"_Two!"_

"_This is ridiculous; I should have been the older brother!" Sam grumped, still trying to get free. _

"_Three!" Dean had started to slow down with his counting to fill Sam with anticipation which would hopefully drive him slightly crazy._

"_You have the mentality of a six year old!" Sam said, pushing against his chest._

"_Four!" _

"_Fine, I asked Susie McKean out and she called me a freak!" Sam burst out, miserably._

_Dean understood why Sam was so upset; he always had thought that he was some kind of freak ever since his father had a frank conversation which pulled no punches about their mother and the unknown monster that killed her. Ever since he had learnt that their mother died in his nursery, he always felt like some kind of monster himself and the word he most commonly used was 'freak'. It also didn't help that Sam always had a hard time fitting in with children his own age, he had always gotten on with adults better or wouldn't leave Dean's side and most people even when they were younger were slightly intimidated by the older brother, he gave the impression if anyone one was the harm his baby brother there would be hell to pay. This had always made Sam feel different ever since he had started his school education, what also didn't help that before he had to go school, the only other child he had properly interacted with was Dean._

_There was some pride flittering through the older Winchester of course a large amount disgust of a spoiled brat treating his brother like crap but Sammy who had showed no interest in girls before had asked one out and he actually had the balls to do it. He hadn't just thought about it and gave her puppy dog looks across the cafeteria he plucked up the courage to ask her._

"_First of all, where do you get off fancying a chick and telling me about it?" Dean growled, sounding more annoyed than he actually was._

"_Um, I thought you'd make fun of me," Sam admitted, biting his lip which made him look even cuter in Dean's eyes._

"_Of course, I would have made fun of you; it is an older brother's prerogative to tease their younger brother about girls," he said, firmly, Sam sighed and put his head against Dean's neck which caused him to smile, "But it is also their job teach them how to deal with the ladies."_

"You're so weird," Sam said, proud of his assessment, "But how do you make girls fall all over you?"

"_Well when you look like me it is perfectly understandable," Dean smiled when Sam giggled, "But seriously that bitch doesn't deserve you, she doesn't see a good thing when she sees one and you don't need her, cos you got me, it is the Winchesters against the world always remember that."_

"_That still makes me a freak," Sam joked, smiling at him._

"_Hey! The Winchesters are not freaks it's those normal people who are the freakish ones," Dean told him, he said 'normal' like it was the black plague and he moved his lips near Sam's ear and whispered, "You are not a freak."_

"_**Dean is right, it will always be us against the world, I don't need anyone but him and Dad, they will always be there to protect me especially Dean, he would do anything for me as I would for him and if believes I am not a freak then it most be true Dean knows everything well sort of he can't do any math equations when I ask him for help but that doesn't matter I can know things like that he know everything else. Cos I don't need a girl, I just need my big brother, anyway Dean was right Susie is a bitch,"**_ Castiel quoted, after he had paused the memory.

"Cas, we are still in the hero worshipping days that don't mean anything!" he growled, seriously annoyed.

"It wouldn't," Castiel agreed, "However this is still one of Sam's happiest memories, surely that means something."

Dean wouldn't admit it but it did lots, he thought Sam hated those days when they where younger and constantly moving, being trained for an ever lasting war, he had thought that even the small moments like these didn't matter to him, he didn't think he cherished them. Hell, he thought Sam had forgotten all about them. Honest to god, he had thought he hated his childhood, every single bit of it including him.

"Do you get why I am showing you these memories?" Castiel asked touching his shoulder lightly like a touch would magically make the reason pop in his head.

"No." Dean said honestly, he didn't even know how the angel found him so he thought it would be best to ask.

"I followed you." Castiel stated, like it was perfectly normal and did it often.

"So, you're a stalker now." Dean stated, not really minding Castiel following him he had no real knowledge of boundaries so as long it was him or Sam and not some random person he got a sudden interest in it was okay.

"Only when it is needed," Castiel said, solemnly.

Dean shook his head and smiled, the fallen angel was enigma, he had always found it funny that all the other angels had some grasp on how humans lived but Castiel had no idea and he enjoyed spending time with him even with a ginormous stick up his arse but even when he knew he couldn't trust him before the apocalypse he had become his best friend and it was also refreshing to have someone other than Bobby and Sam to talk about things with and in his own nerdy angel way understood him so whatever Castiel was up to right now he had to trust him.

**I hope you have enjoyed this chapter and the next will be up next Thursday. Please tell me what you think.**


	2. Going Away and Coming Back

**Faith in Family**

**Chapter Two****: Going Away and Coming Back**

**Word Count****: 6800, exactly again, this made me very happy again (still strange)**

**Summary****:** **Dean was furious at Sam after the events in the 'Dark Side of the Moon' but Castiel uses Sam's real favourite memories and his worse to restore Dean's faith in his brother.**

**Warnings****: Swearing, and John being not very nice **

**I am a bit worried about this chapter, this is when the bad memories come into play and I hope that you guys like this chapter as much as the last, if you don't or if you do please tell me why if you want to.**

**This chapter is 2000 words longer than the previous chapter because it mainly focuses on Flagstaff and that ended up being exactly two thousand words longer apparently.**

**Onwards, my chums…**

"So, where to next," he clapped his hands together in anticipation but slightly with worry, Cas said they was going to be bad memories and they had two good ones so it when is it going to equal itself out?

"I feel I have to warn you, this memory will not be pleasant and it will probably change your views on your family forever," Castiel said, regretfully.

Swallowing air, Dean nodded, he knew this was going to be difficult for him but he needed to know what went on in Sam's mind, and maybe they could get the relationship they had before Dean went to hell.

The room before him changed and what he saw terrified him, it was his Dad and Sammy when he was fifteen sitting on a wonky table in a motel room, talking on their own without Dean, this can't be good. He had a cut down a cheek down his face, he had gotten just before flagstaff where he had fell over during a hunt. It wasn't really Sam's fault as most of him was uncoordinated limbs by that point even if he was still quite short for his age. Their Dad was really mad at him especially as Dean had twisted his ankle trying to get to him. The kid fell over just about when a ghost was mere centimetres away from him, panicking Dean had got him in his arms, dragging him away while their father set fire to the ghost's bones, and they killed it successfully. However Sam still ended up falling over again as he hadn't got his balance right. This caused Sam to fall on his brother's ankle and his own head on a discarded soda can on the floor.

"Are you ready?" Castiel looked intently at Dean's pale face.

"As I'll ever be," Dean choked out; resisting the urge to run away but reminding himself he had no where to run to and Castiel could totally kick his arse if he wanted to.

Castiel once again placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, and pressed play.

_Sitting stiffly and not letting his Dad now how terrified he was on that specific moment in time, his father was looking at him softly, his eyes warm, a look he normally gave Dean when he had done a manoeuvre perfectly but they was a difference to it, it was completely fake which Sam shudder slightly._

"_Sammy, I think we need to talk…" John started. _

"_I will train harder, I promise," Sam interrupted, he felt really guilty for hurting his brother._

"_I don't think you should be training, Sam, I don't think you're cut out for a hunter's life, you're too soft, now I ain't saying that a bad thing…" John was cut of again._

"_I will try better," Sam promised, knowing the softness of his voice was a façade and each word his father said were meant to sting._

"_You say that, but I know the truth, you are too compassionate to do this job, you're like your mother, she couldn't hurt a fly…"_

Dean couldn't help himself he had to snort even though he was terrified of where this conversation was going but their Mom was pretty badass of what he knew of her in his times in the past, she probably kick Dad's arse six ways to Sunday.

"…_but's that not what we need for this fight against evil, I am sorry to tell you this but you're not a proper Winchester, a Winchester wants to fight and keep people way from danger even if we have to face the danger ourselves and you are not cut out for that. And you are dragging Dean down, he does everything for you, he is going to get himself hurt if he keeps trying to protect you all the time and it will be your fault, I don't think you'll ever truly be a proper hunter."_

Dean growled he couldn't believe his father said that his son, to Sammy just before Flagstaff, no wonder the kid had run away, why hadn't he seen the look in his brother's eyes when he came home normally his radar had constant tabs on Sam knew soon as he saw him knew that something was up.

"_Dad," Sam was heart broken and looked like he was trying to stop the tears that were about to fall, "I will try harder, I will be a Winchester…"_

"_No, Sammy, I think that it is about time I stop mollycoddling you like Dean wishes me to, you're not _fit to be a hunter and I am pretty damn sure that you will never to be a Winchester."

"_When, I get back from this hunt, we'll talk about more permanent arrangements, for you, I heard Uncle Bobby has stopped hunting properly and started to answer phones in case they get caught lying about being the FBI or the CDC and helping out some other hunters with research, you'll enjoy that it is your favourite part of hunting." John said, smiling slightly like he was doing his son a massive favour._

_Sam swallowed a sob but he couldn't help the tears that were falling down his face, he said nothing and looked away so his Dad didn't know how much his words were affecting him_.

Dean shook with anger, he wished that his father was alive just so he could punch him in the face and send him packing and tell him that him and Sam were defiantly not their sons anymore. Castiel grabbed his shoulder again, he felt himself being comforted and the rage he felt subsiding, he was glad his angel friend was there and grateful that he was finally learning the truth even though he was probably using his angel powers against him.

"_Dean is going to be home soon, I don't want you to tell him, he'll probably think you're whining and you don't want your last proper days with your brother to be him annoyed at you because of you're bitching." John lectured, then got up he placed a hand his son's shoulders when he walked past ignoring his flinch and his shoulder, he set off not bothering to say goodbye to his oldest son who was currently working and went on a hunt._

Castiel looked at his friend who looked absolutely defeated; it was horrible to see him like that but recently that was he always looked like most of the time but it was mostly hidden with sarcastic quips and an 'I don't care' attitude. At moment he knew that Dean just wanted to pull the teenage Sam up in arms and protect him from anything and even have a chick flick that Dean tries hopelessly to avoid.

_Sam just sat there until he heard his father shut the door behind him, tears falling silently down his face; he broke down into sobs which were messy and uncontrollable. _

Dean was wiping away tears angrily and getting a slight headache from trying to stop those becoming uncontrollable sobs, it pained him to see his brother like that, it always has especially when there was nothing he could do about it, it also hurt him to know that his younger self hadn't done anything to calm him down either. In that moment, he felt like he failed Sam even when he was younger and would've done anything for him.

"You weren't to know," Castiel told him, solemnly and like he was telling a huge deep dark secret.

"I should've have known, Cas," his voice torn, broken but shaking with anger, "I am his older brother! I should have protected him!"

"Against what?" Castiel argued, loudly over Sam's sobbing, "His own father? If he had told would you have believed him?"

Dean looked at him, he sucked in his breathe, it was the first time in around five minutes he looked away from his baby brother, he searched for some kind of disappointment or disgust in the bottomless fathomless blue eyes but they were none, like normal there was compassion, anger at his own father for abandoning them in their time of need and of course the slightest hint of innocence which Dean had always found so endearing and what made him so different from the other angels.

"Yes of course I would!" Dean said, then he thought about at any age he had always hero worshipped his Dad even when he had done something disagreeable to him and if Sam had came to him and told him of this conversation he would've probably called him a liar and selfish to cover his actions in such a way, so he flinched slightly and said quietly, "No."

"You love your father like I loved mine with so much faith, like disobedience was the most horrific thing that you could do," Castiel said, sadly.

Dean smiled at him, barely there, he hated the way that Castiel sounded so scared and alone, like his only light in the darkness around him had gone and the way he said 'loved' like his faith had been flushed down the toilet, Dean had to remember that he wasn't the only one who had been affected badly by their family in their recent adventure.

_Sam seemed to have cried himself out and he shakily got himself away from the table, and got himself ready for bed, he practically collapsed on the bed and went straight into a disturbed sleep._

Their surroundings changed, they where in the same motel room but it was brighter and airy and John and the younger Dean who looked too perfect to be real and they also had a creepy 'happy family' smile, with Sam standing there looking incredibly pleased of himself and had a piece of paper in his hand. The image was paused and it made Dean horrified and scared about what was yet to come.

"This is Sam's dream," Castiel supplied, helpfully.

"Thanks, Cas, I got that, I am not an idiot," Dean growled, he now wanted this experience over and done with soon as possible.

"Debatable," Castiel stated.

Castiel thought making a teasing jab to clear the tension and make Dean feel slightly better, Castiel didn't really like doing it and it really understand why it would lighten the mood but if it made his favourite human feel better than he could give it a try.

Dean was shocked, had the angel actual attempted to make a joke? And not just been funny because he was Castiel? Maybe, he had been surrounded by humans for too long and was slowly turning into stoner Cas as Dean affectionately named him or he was attempting at being a good friend as he looked at him, he could clearly see how uncomfortable he was.

"Did you just insult me?" Dean grinned highly amused, glad to be taking his mind off what was about to happen.

"Maybe," Castiel hit the play button, knowing that him and Dean could banter until the cows came home which would mean that they wouldn't get anywhere.

"_Look, Dad, I got an A* on my biology test," Sam said grinning broadly, waving the piece of card about._

"_I can't see it if you wave it around," John laughed at his youngest son's excited antics, he managed to get the piece of paper out his hands and look at it interest, a proud look adorned his features and he clasped his shoulders and looked him in his eyes, "Wow, Sammy, well done, I am so proud of you."_

_Dean strode forward, he had an aura of a hero and he plucked the piece of paper out of his father's hands, and glanced at it, "Wow, geek boy strikes again," but he smiled fondly and added, "I am so proud of you."_

_Sam smiled, it was so happy and carefree but suddenly, the scary but happy faces of John and Dean Winchester changed so they was hate etched in their features and the motel room they where in it turned dark and grim and it made anyone stepped in there cold to their bones._

"_Shame it doesn't matter though," John said, causally letting go of Sam._

_They started to circle Sam, slowly._

"_It is," Dean sneered, "Who cares if you get an A*?"_

"I don't."

_The circling had sped up, Sam looked terrified and vulnerable._

"_Geek boy Sammy, if we cared about your grades, we would have to care about you."_

"_And who would care about a worthless piece of crap like you?" _

"_You ruined my childhood; I had to look after my baby brother because he was too weak to look after himself."_

"_You can't even hunt."_

"_So many times you have nearly gotten us killed."_

"_You are not a Winchester."_

"_You're just freak."_

"_A burden."_

"_You killed our mother."_

"_Murderer."_

"_Why don't you just die?"_

"_It would make our lives so much easier."_

"_The world would be a better a place without you."_

"_You're to chicken to take that final leap."_

"_Coward."_

_The entire room shook, and somewhere up above a voice, the younger Dean was shouting for his brother to wake up, the room swirled around, voices were saying 'freak', 'murderer', 'coward ', 'burden,' 'weak' and 'worthless' all mixed together in an confusing whirl of words when it suddenly halted what could be heard in John's eerie cold voice say, "You are not a Winchester."_

Dean released a breath of air that he didn't realise that he was holding, he wanted to be sick, and he knew this was a dream but he had never thought his brother could think so badly of himself when he was that age even when it was in his subconscious, he thought the self hatred came post Stanford except from those few times when little Sam had freaked out about the fact that their mother had died in his nursery but Dean had assured him firmly that their mother's death had nothing to do with him. They where back in the original motel room and Dean was shaking Sam who was shrieking and tears staining his face and still steadily coming out of the corner of the teen's eyes. It made Dean glad that he was there to give him comfort even though it wasn't the current him

"_Sam, wake up!" Dean called out to pull him forcefully from the nightmare that his little brother was in currently._

_Sam was kicking and screaming and managed to kick Dean straight in the stomach which knocked the wind out of him, he coughed slightly but Sam started to wake but not being able to talk, he was once again sobbing his eyes out. He was in no position to even attempt to tell his older brother what was bothering him so Dean just spooned against him and murmured comforting words, one of which was:_

"_It's the Winchester's against the world, Sammy, never forget that."_

"Fuck!" Dean swore that was probably the worse thing he could have ever said at that moment, his father had just told him that he wasn't a Winchester, "Son of a bitch!"

He was so angry; he felt rage at his father, himself and even Sam if Sam just opened up, if Dean had allowed moments that Sam could open up, if his Dad wasn't such a stupid selfish obsessed dick, none of this would've happened.

At least he had some idea why Sam had runaway to Flagstaff, he wasn't part of their family and he didn't feel like he was worth enough to be a 'burden' to anyone else so he thought like any other rational fifteen year old mind could come up with and runaway.

"_**I cannot be a burden no longer Dean doesn't deserve all of the responsibility of looking after and protecting me, I am not a hunter and Dad has made it perfectly clear that I am not a Winchester, I wish I could say goodbye to my brother but how could I? He would stop me and then I would become Uncle Bobby's burden, it is time to grow up and look after myself so Dean can have the perfect hunter's life he always wanting without having to drag around his kid brother and Dad can have his little hunter family without the screw up weighing them down. It's time for me to face the facts if my own Dad doesn't want me, who on Earth would? I am no longer a Winchester or a hunter, I am just Sam. An orphan kid who lives on their own because no one in the world wants them and if they do they are lying to me and themselves,"**_ Castiel felt slightly sick at replaying the words that Sam had once written down, they where full of self-loathing.

Dean winced, wishing that this would stop that Castiel would show the good memories again about him and Sam even though it seemed that Sam was weird as all of his good memories seem to start with him miserable.

"Damn it, Cas!" Dean moaned, his anger forgotten, "No wonder the kid's so screwed up, and this is my fault, why didn't I see?"

"Dean, this is not your fault," he informed, gravelly, "Sam made his decision to runaway just like your father decided to make Sam feel like he was not part of this family, that was what happened, you had no involvement, please Dean I know that you have a self-loathing personality but I didn't take you here to make you feel bad, I am here to help you discover the truth."

Dean nodded, not really taking in or accepting the words that he was being told, "How the hell are we here anyway?"

"I told you someone owes me a favour," Castiel said.

"They must owe you a pretty big favour," Dean pressed, hoping to get more information from the angel.

"It is less of a favour more of an apology," Castiel admitted, shuffling slightly.

"It's not Zachariah is it?" Dean groaned, knowing it must be the long list of Castiel angel brothers, "Or better yet Lucifer."

Castiel just gave him a look that clearly said that he was an idiot and should shut up.

"Touchy," Dean muttered.

"Can we continue or we going to waste more time of you trying to avoid the entire reason we are here?" His wording suggested that Castiel was annoyed but he didn't sound it at all.

"Sure, but first can we have another good memory first, I know it's stupid but I don't think I can deal with another memory like that one," Dean admitted, slightly scared about how bad it could get.

"Technically the next two memories are good," Castiel said, as the memory changed.

It was the place that Sam lived in Flagstaff, with that dog Bones; it was exactly the same but with seeing little Sam having the pizza and feeding the animal not the large brother he was used to.

"Why are you showing me this?" Dean growled as he watched the memory unfold.

"**I have been living on my own for a few days now, it had been weird but awesome, I get to choose my own bedtime and everything and I don't have to train either! I am glad that Bones was here, he seems as lonely as I am so now that we have each other we are not as lonely anymore, I have been going to school, I have been able to consecrate on my grades. I miss Dean so much though; he has always taken care of me so now maybe he could finally be free, now maybe we both can become our own people now, Dad had always said that we were co-dependent so he'll be pleased especially without the 'non-Winchester'. I am happy now and so they'll be the proper Winchesters maybe now I can have a normal life,"** Castiel droned while they watched Sam and Bones eat the cold pizza, after they had finished Sam looked slightly desperately at the dogs that he was stroking the ears of.

"See that is what Sam always wanted a normal life away from his freak of a family," Dean pointed out, knowing it was unfair seeing what his father had said to him.

"He was lying to himself; he enjoyed living by himself, choosing what he eats, what time he should go to bed, making his school work top priority, any normal teenager would," Dean smirked at Castiel thinking that any normal teenager liked to put their school work first, that was just his brother any other kid his age would've of made kissing girls and playing video games their top priority, "But what a kid needs is structure…"

"Whoa, man, have you been reading parenting books?" Dean asked, completely serious, he wouldn't put it past Castiel picking up a book any book but in this case a parenting book and taking every word to heart and finding a way of presenting the information to Dean.

Castiel ignored the question, even though he might of read it in a newspaper's advice column when he thought that he should learn about human life, all it had done was confused him some more about the strange species his father had created, "And you where the one who gave him that Dean, you where the one who enforced the rules that your father found pointless, you where the one who nursed him when he was sick or injured and comforted him when he was upset, you were the one who protected him from countless of bullies, demons, monsters and ghosts and you were the one who loved him unconditionally,"

"Did you rehearse that speech?" Dean laughed, it sounded like it was some kind of ending that Kyle or Stan would come up with at the end of a mental episode of 'South Park'.

"I did not," Castiel said.

"Surely you should be leaving the big guns until the last memory?" Dean grinned, he kind of liked knowing what was going on Sam's head, it made him fair more easier to understand.

"I have something planned," Castiel said, cryptically.

Dean shook his head wondering what crap was going to spew out of his mouth next time.

The scene changed Sam was standing in a supermarket, he was frozen looking something the can aisle, the trolley was pretty much filled with spaghetti hoops and there seemed to a loaf of bread somewhere and carrots which was apparently the best vegetable in the world according to any Sam sometimes when Dean was in a good mood, he brought him carrots sticks to snack on while in the car. The weirdo eat them raw, Dean thought they where bad enough when they where cooked and was forced to eat them by either Pastor Jim or Bobby.

"You ready?" Castiel asked watching Dean warily, the angel was surprised the hunter hadn't attempted to punch something that wasn't really there and break his hand by hitting a three.

Dean nodded, he remembered this memory quite vividly, this was one of the first time he had properly was angry at Sam, it wasn't like Sam hadn't seen Dean angry at that age but it was normally at people who picked on him or the supernatural never Sam.

_Sam carelessly tossed a tin of baked beans into the trolley not noticing when it had completely squished the breads but he did wince when it hit clanked against the other tins when it bounced off the bread, he hadn't noticed the nineteen year old storming down the aisle, the younger boy seemed to have his guard down which seemed to anger the boy behind him further._

"_Sammy," Dean growled, grabbing shoulder harshly, Sam flinched violently._

"_It's Sam," this was the first time he ever rejected his nickname and shook himself out of Dean's hold but the look that Sam had wasn't defiant but it was pained and scared._

"_Whatever you say, Sammy," it wasn't teasing and he had a hold of Sam's shoulder, it was strong, they was no way he would be able to shake his older brother off._

_There was a long silence, neither knew what they should say to one another, there was a small amount of relief flitter throughout Dean's features but soon it was filled with rage, the grip tightened on Sam, he ended up turning Sam and himself around and heading out of the supermarket, the entire time it was in complete silence._

Dean and Castiel followed them out and found themselves in a much younger Impala sitting in the back. The hunter found it quite odd to be watching his own back of his head; it was slightly weirder than watching himself face on.

_The silence was deafening, it was awkward but not in a that people would laugh at, it was cold something that the brother thought they would be with each other, Dean looked ill with big black bags underneath his eyes and he seemed to have lost weight and Sam noted the changes with concern._

"_Dean…" Sam tried, desperately._

"_Can it, Sam!" Dean ordered interrupting whatever Sam's attempt to break the silence was going to be._

_They drove for a couple more minutes until they reached the place that Sam has been staying for the two weeks, it didn't look that secure but Sam had done fine there but Dean didn't really like the idea of Sam living in there on his own, providing for himself and looking after himself, Dean's hands were whitening from how hard he was clenching the wheel._

"_Go in get your stuff, if you are not out in five minutes I will come in and get you," Dean threatened, coldly, not wanting to see what his brother had been up to, or the nearly controllable rage would turn into uncontrollable rage._

Castiel walked through the car door so Dean thought he should probably follow and not watching the younger version himself punch the steering wheel making the horn beep sometimes but it was short and not enough to gain anyone's attention.

_Sam who had managed to spread his belongings across the entirety of the living space, he got his bag and speedily chucked everything in the bag, ignoring Boneses wagging tail and constantly pressing his noise into Sam's hand begging for attention. After he had seemed to collect all of things, he sat beside an old beaten up yellow phone and he pressed in some numbers. With regret clear on his face he told the person on the phone, he told them about an abandoned dog and the address, with a final stroke and kiss on the head he left Bones on his own. _

_Back in the Impala, they drove in silence for nearly twenty minutes when they where out of the town, Dean stopped in a layby got out and slammed the door shut, sighing Sam opened the door and got out._

"_Dean," Sam tried again, realising he had nothing to say he stopped there._

"_Dean what?" Dean grounded out when Sam just shook his head, he slammed down his fists on the hood, "See, nothing to say! You left, Sam! You left me all on my own! What happened to the Winchesters against the world? You threw it away and spat on it like it was nothing!" Dean had stopped shouting but had added desperately almost whispering, "Especially with all that I have done for you."_

_Sam bit his lip hard, to trying not to let what was actually happening, the pain in Dean's voice felt like it was cutting Sam right down to his very soul but it would hurt him even more if Sam told him about what his father had said so went for a half truth, "You deserve a life without looking over your shoulder to see if your little brother is okay or worrying if I had enough to eat or sleep or checking my forehead to check my temperature which you do way too often, man."_

"_Can't have you getting sick," Dean muttered in defence, "That's bull, I feel sorry if you believe that, dude, your my baby brother, it is my job to look to look after you," after seeing his brother flinch he changed his tactic, "Damn it, Sam, I didn't mean it like that, I like taking care of you, it's what keeps me grounded in this fuck up of a world."_

_Head downcast, Sam moved his eyes to look up at his brother hopefully and he shuffled and swayed slightly making him seemed younger than the fifteen, "So you want me?"_

_Dean looked so shocked and upset, "Of course I want you, you'll have trouble getting rid of me."_

"_I wouldn't ever want to get rid of you, I am sorry for running away," Sam said, looking down again._

"_If you scare me like that again, Sammy, you won't be able to sit down for weeks but I'll let it go this time just because you have a lot of training to catch up with and we wouldn't want you to be too sore," Dean smirked, teasing._

"_Jerk!" Sam Smiled gratefully at Dean, for changing the subject and trying to make the situation more humorous. _

"_Bitch!"_

Smirking at himself because of how big of a softie he was, John had told him that Dean should be the one to punish him as he left on purpose on his watch but seeing something broken in Sam he decided that it wasn't really worth it and he hadn't got the stomach for it. He was a coward in his eyes in two ways in that moment, one not punishing Sam when he had clearly deserved it and not trying to work out what was actually going on even when it was still going on in Sam's mind. He had failed his brother then, completely.

_That was when Dean brought Sam into a massive bear hug, and just held onto him tightly like he never wanted to let him go or if he was a piece of floating wood from a shipwreck and he had to keep a hold of him to keep him from plunging into a cold painful death._

"_You're gonna be the death of me!" Dean announced, teasingly still when he had no intention of letting him go, "I mean one more chick flick moment my brain is going to implode and it will be your entire fault."_

"_I am sorry," Sam said, slightly muffled by Dean's chest._

"_Its okay, Sammy," for once daring himself and able to carry through to kiss him on his mop of hair, "It's okay"_

This why it hurt so much for one of Sam's happiest memories was Flagstaff, after he had got him back he seemed so regretful and there was something broken in him but that didn't show when they where in heaven, it was like it was a well conducted act so he could get out of trouble like he was even when he was younger like he was constantly tricking him like all long every thing was Sam was a lie. It was a bit over-top and dramatic but what Dean felt.

"_You are never going to let me out me out of your sight again, are you?" Sam grumbled, still slightly muffled, he had been trying to get out of his brother's embrace for few seconds when he had said that but his arms were still securely around him._

Dean snickered the same time younger Dean snickered, Castiel looked at him strangely.

"_Nope," Dean said, "You now permanently have an older brother shackled to you now, little brother, oh and you are totally grounded until you're like never, nope, you're never getting ungrounded."_

_Sam groaned loudly._

_Finally releasing his brother he walked back into the Impala, Sam followed him, they drove talking about the conditions of Sam being grounded, mostly it consisted of if Sam wasn't at school or if Dean wasn't at work or either them needed the toilet, it was filled of joking and Sam moaning 'Dean' a lot but you should see Sam getting paler and paler like he had just remembered why he had ran away._

"_Dean, you know whatever happens you'll always be my least favourite brother," Sam said, not wanting to be too soppy but soon he was going to be left with Uncle Bobby and he needed to let Dean know that he would always love him._

"_Sam, what the hell is going on it that nerdy head of yours?" Dean sighed; he had brought one of his hands off the steering wheel and pushed in through his hair, "And for someone who clever as you should realise I am not only your only brother but the most awesome brother of them all."_

_Sam shook his head, "You don't understand, Dean, what if I leave sometime and you just forget all about me."_

"_I think you are forgetting the terms of your grounding, it is clear that you are never leaving my side, we'll sleep in the same bed if we have to but you are staying with me forever and like I could forget you, you are constant bitching geeky pain in my arse," Dean said, he was completely stern and it gave no room for arguments._

_Sam beamed but then he remembered what was about to happen, it fell quicker than an anchor thrown off a boat._

_They had arrived at the motel room that Dean and John had been staying at, John was bouncing on his feet nervously when he saw Sam, he ran toward him and pulled Sam into a hug which Sam flinched and extremely tense they entire way through._

"_My boy," he said, and like words failed him, he said nothing else._

Dean growled angry at his father actions, he clenched his fists, he was certain if he looked at his palms, there would be little crescent moon shapes pressed into them. Sam was his, there was no way now that John had any type of claim on Sam, Dean was the one who raised him not John, he made sure he got up in the morning, and that he had his trousers the right way round or made sure he had eaten when he was stressing about the finals and constantly revising. John had done none of that, all he done was made sure that Sam could shoot properly and knew how to kill various types of Supernatural beings. Dean now realised why Sam had hated and resented him and John so much, because in Sam's mind he was his father figure and hero not John, he had stolen it under him, Dean had none but John to see like that, but Sam had a choice between the guy who raised or a drill sergeant. That was why he also had resented Dean so much for seeing in John in that way because John had made him weak, turned into a soldier, it was when sometimes Dean had put hunting before him. However, Sam was his boy and no way, shape or form was John's.

_Sam had managed to pull himself out of his arms and said, "Hi Dad."_

"_Dean, why don't you go in and get the guns of Sam's bed while I talk to him, you did a good job today," John said it like it wasn't an order when it clearly was._

"_Yes sir," Dean said with reluctance, while fishing around in his pockets for the key._

_After Dean had gone, John grabbed his son's shoulders which were shaken off immediately, John sighed like Sam was the worse kid he had ever come across and that he had no idea what to do with him as if he was some kind of lost cause. _

"_Sam, I think it would be best if you stay with us for awhile, with you gone Dean is distracted and he even disregarded some of my orders," he said it like it was the worst thing that anyone could ever do, "Yes, it would be best for you to stay until Dean learns that you are not the only thing that matters." He smiled at him._

_Sam swallowed, and said, "What the hell, Dad?"_

_John shot him a glare and said, "What did you just say to me?"_

"_You know what, Dad; you don't care about me but I am not going to stop Dean wanting me around as you may have noticed I am a kid and the only two people in the world have is you two, and lets just say at the moment I like one of them way more than the other," and in full teenage style, he stormed off and slammed the door behind him._

The more Dean saw, the more he understood his brother, after he had ran away, he started to get defiant and started to back talk and certainly more moody, a lot more with John than he was with him,, the only time he was really rude with Dean was when he took John's side or when Dean tried to act more like his Dad.

"Dean, I showed you this memory because…" Castiel started but never got to finish.

"Yeah, Cas, I know why you are showing me this, no explanations needed," Dean said, and he did he completely saw everything differently now.

"Well, you needed assistance with every other memory, I thought this one would be the same," Castiel said, seriously.

"You need assistance," Dean mumbled, childishly, "Anyway, you lied, and you said that they would be happier memories."

"You said you needed no explanations," Castiel stated, confused, "The first one was happy because even though he was on his own and had to look after himself very badly I may add, he had a chance to give you a life without responsibility of looking after his younger brother and he could be away from all the hunting even though his happiness was mostly forced and faked, he was happy however the most recent memory was half and half, one half was him learning that you wanted and needed him but the other half was knowing that his own father wanted him gone as quickly as possible."

"Just read the damn diary entry," Dean ordered, gruffly.

"_**Sorry, I haven't written in awhile, Dean hasn't let me leave his sight in days and every time I get you out, he scoffs and I don't want to write with Dean laughing at me, it would be very distracting. Dean is training at the moment with Dad, he has demanded that we train on our own, Dean fought tooth and nail against but Dad wasn't having any of it. Dad has been extra harsh on me recently, what is the point? He wants me gone so why does he want me to do double the miles in half the time? It makes no sense, I think it's just some twisted way his mind works to punish me for making Dean so dependent on him. He may hadn't of noticed he did that himself, we was the one who left a six year old on their own to look after a two year old. I have been having some severe mood swings recently some times especially when Dad is around and when Dean tries to be more like him or even when Dean defends Dad to me, it makes me so mad. I am disrespectful and moody and been disobeying orders, I don't think Dad has punished me that much in so much in one week ever. Even when I put laxatives into Dean's drink and accidentally gave it to him. It doesn't work anymore, Dad has no hold over me anymore, he lost that when he practically disowned me so he can punish me as much he wants it's not going to make much of a difference. Dean however can, I hate when he punishes me, don't because of the punishment because I feel how disappointed he is in me. It is because Dean wants me, he wants me to stick around and so until he decides that I am more of a hindrance than a help, I am staying."**_ Castiel quoted even though the length of entry was long, it didn't seem to affect him at all.

"That kid is such a friggin' girl. I mean having the diary is one thing but writing this sissy shit, dude, he should be wearing frilly dresses," Dean commented, wryly.

Knowingly, Castiel nodded, Dean would have to make a joke to show how rough and tough he was.

Dean just hoped that the memories that came next would be nicer than the ones previously but his instincts told him that they probably be worse.

**I hope you come back next week and have liked this chapter.**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed, followed and favourited this story.**


	3. Robin and his Mint Chocolate Ice Cream

**Faith in Family**

**Chapter Three: **** Robin and his Mint Chocolate Ice Cream**

**Word Count:**** 5180 (Not as awesome but at least it has a 0 in it****)**

**Summary: ****Dean was furious at Sam after the events in the 'Dark Side of the Moon' but Castiel uses Sam's real favourite memories and his worse to restore Dean's faith in his brother.**

**Warnings: ****Swearing (to be honest I don't really recall any swearing in any of my chapters but as it is the Winchesters I am assuming there is) plus now Dean not being very nice (doesn't last every long) and me seemingly being obsessed with brackets.**

**I am sorry this chapter is like half an hour late, I decided to write a new memory which is in this chapter because the big guns are next. This still again makes me very unsure about this chapter but then again I am terribly sorry about it being late plus I am tired and sleepy so it might be load of crap and assumedly why I am rambling at you. Sorry again, my friends. **

**This chapter is as long as I wanted them all to be but now I decided to write around two thousand words more of content, I don't bloody now anymore. (I think I am swearing more than the actually fanfiction is that is a sad day indeed.**

**Off we go into the world of know…**

"I feel like I must warn you, these memories won't be pleasant, they will be the worse," Castiel looked him the eyes in hope to give him some kind of comfort.

"Yeah, Cas, I guessed that," Dean told him, weakly.

The image changed to an eighteen year old Sam standing outside a shop holding a heavy looking bag, Dean clenched his fist, it was probably the worst six months of life when Sam had finally decided to become a grown up and that he didn't need Dean anymore and to be honest he was the one that kick started it. He didn't feel like Sam needed him anymore which was painful as most of the time, and this made Dean push him away, he barely saw him at all expect from when their father forced all of them to go on hunts and even then he barely talked to him. It probably didn't help at seventeen that Sam had a very late growth spurt and was then he was at a giant height he was no which was much taller than his older brother.

_Sam was waiting for his brother; he shuffled his feet, the heavy bag of food cans that John had ordered him to get weren't weighing him down but he wished that his brother would be coming back soon as possible when the rain started. Another fifteen minutes later, the rain had began pouring down and Sam was standing there soaked, resigning to the fact that his brother was not coming, he moved his heavily soaked jean clad legs and started to walk to his recent non-permanent home._

_The motel was outside of town, so it was a long walk, and with Sam wearing a coat that wasn't rain proof and wasn't very affective against the cold, after a few minutes of walking, he was shivering and his teeth were chattering, he attempted to move faster, but the clothes grew heavier._

Dean was deathly pale, as he watched his baby brother struggle to get home, why wasn't he there? He couldn't even remember this day, their father still made them train in rain but never when it was this hard, the chances of getting sick and being bed-ridden for a few days was a risk that John wouldn't take.

_As Sam finally got home, he glanced at the parked Impala sadly like it was a regular occurrence that he had to walk home; he opened the door, to see Dean holding a bottle of whisky and was just taking a big swig from it. He seemed to be already smashed, and glared at Sam as he walked through the door shivering as if he dared to enter a room that he was in. _

Dean's fists were clenched, now he knew why he couldn't remember any of this, it was because he was off his head drunk, god, he was such a jerk, no wonder Sammy left them.

"_What the fuck, Sammy? Why are you so wet?" Dean laughed, childishly, "Oh, why are you so wet! I knew you were a girl, Sammy, all the proof that is needed!"_

"_Dean, you are drunk," Sam told him, sternly, moving towards him swiftly and attempted to get the bottle away from his brother._

"_No, shit…hey, Sammy what's that detective, you're always rambling about?" Dean asked, as he got away from Sam and stumbled away across the room, holding the whisky and then taking a swig as if to test him._

What was he doing? Why was he screwing around? Didn't he realise that if Sam doesn't get out those clothes and warms himself quick, his brother could get seriously ill?

"_Sherlock," Sam reminded him, patiently, still shivering and he had to stop cough violently._

"_Aw, Sammy are you sick?" Dean slurred, patronisingly, "Aw is poor baby Sammy sick?" _

"_No, I am fine," Sam replied, angrily, managing to get the alcohol away from his brother after he staggered slightly._

"_Oi, you little shit, give that back," Dean moved quickly towards him, but Sam moved away in time as Dean's moves were slow and sluggish._

"_I think you've had enough," Sam stated, firmly, coughing again and shivering, desperately wanting to get out of his wet clothes but he wasn't going to allow his brother drink himself to oblivion._

"_No, no, no," he said, waving a finger at Sam, "You don't get to look after me, that's my job, I have to look after my bratty selfish pain in the arse brother while he gets to do the fuck he wants, you have no responsibilities like I do, baby boy, so don't you dare come in here and lecture me."_

Had he really said that to him, he knew he was upset about how independent Sam was becoming especially because of how co-dependent he was back when they were younger.

"_Dean, I wasn't trying to lecture you…" Sam tried but he started to cough violently again, his lungs tightened and he was struggling to breathe so the coughing soon started to turn into a wheeze. _

"_You truly are pathetic aren't you, Sammy? Such an attention whore! I know I having seen you much recently but did seriously walked miles in the rain, just so you could have your big brother doting on you again, you are pathetic, you know what Sammy, I thought I needed you, but I never did, I mean what have you ever done for me, all you've done is take, but no more, Sammy, you are on your own, I am out!" And literally he was as Sam attempting to ignore the words that were being spoken but tears were travelling down Sam's cheeks silently as every word was a dagger in his already tattered heart, Sam managed to chuck his brother onto the bed who as soon as his head touched the pillow, he went straight to sleep._

Dean was so angry, how could he said something so horrible to his Sammy, he felt sick, and the self-loathing had risen to an increasingly high level. He couldn't remember a word of that, he couldn't even remember getting drunk that day, he must of been incredibly drunk, it probably was an accomplishment that he was even talking even though what he said he wasn't proud of, he wished he could punch himself. How could he protect his little brother, if he couldn't protect Sam from himself? He looked away; he couldn't bare the sights of his tears but heard his horrible throaty coughs that turned into wheezes. He felt sick; he just wanted all of this to end.

"It's over," Castiel said, softly, gripping his arm, "You can open your eyes now."

"I did this," Dean growled, his head in his arms, Castiel paused the memory as Dean needed to see the next bit, "This was the reason he moved to Standford, not Dad! Me! Because I was stupid enough to have one too many and end up saying shit I didn't mean! No wonder Sam is how he is!"

"And how is he?" Castiel argued back, hoping that maybe Dean had learnt something through all of this.

"You know! He started the flipping apocalypse! You may have noticed! He chose a demon skank over me! There is something evil in Sammy and it is my entire fault!" Dean cried, ripping his arm violently away from the fallen angel.

"Sam would always go down the path that was given to him," Castiel informed him, "It is the same for you did when you broke the first seal. He didn't know what he would unleash on the world and I think his guilt is too heavy for any human to carry but now you're both fighting. You've chosen to stray from the path, the both of you together. You could just lie there and let it happen but please say you get it your and Sam's love is much stronger than Lucifer's and Michael's ever was, that is why you had the power to fight for so long. That is why I have brought you here because I am afraid you are starting to lose that, and the entire world and I cannot allow that to happen." As Castiel said this, he knew that Dean would take the words to heart and carry it with him for the rest of his life but also revel in the chance to make fun of him.

Dean looked up at him and grinned, "You know what I think you and Sammy should have tea parties and talk about what PMSing feels like."

Castiel just to humour him even though it went against all of his instincts, he said, "I shall consider it."

"You are such a weirdo," Dean declared glad that he finally had his emotions in check even though they still felt like there was a storm swirling in his belly ready to swallow him whole, but still wrapped his arms around Castiel and said, "Probably why we get on so well."

"I believe we didn't get on so well at the beginning," Castiel commented.

"That was because you were being a grade A douche bag," Dean grumped at him, crossing his arms.

"Is this an achievement I should be proud of?" Castiel asked, seeming genuinely confused, Castiel knew when Sam came home from school and got an A, he seemed happy so why getting an A grade in something so why shouldn't he?

"What?" Dean asked, sometimes he thought when Castiel was watching the Earth and protecting its people, he procrastinated and decided to watch bees instead, "Never mind."

When Castiel decided that they was no more further conversation needed, he pressed the play button but also the speed up button so that they gone see how horrific Sam's night was. It was filled with pain filled coughing and Sam shivering badly, somehow early in the morning he had gotten he had seemed to of passed out. It pained Dean to watch his brother suffering like he was, he was disgusted at himself.

_The mobile that was beside Dean had began to ring shrilly, pulling Dean out of his slumber, he pulled himself up and answered the phone and croaked, "What's happening?"_

_When Dean heard who it was, he straightened up at once as if the caller could see him and looking at him with fierce distain, he stayed silent for a moment with a wince controlling his features as the person was clearly berating him, "I am sorry, sir, you know what I am like in the mornings."_

_Quiet filled the room again, Dean scratching his head idly as he listened to his father's orders and replied, "Yes, Dad, I will there as soon as I can."_

_He hung up, threw the phone on the bed and sprung into action, only clad in his boxers, he took his clothes, reserving Sam's modesty and not his as he honestly didn't really care, he went and got changed in the bathroom, not even noticing that his little brother was shaking violently._

Gulping, Dean's guilt surrounded him like all the air that he needed to breathe had disappeared and what he was really breathing in was poisonous gas that was torturing him with feelings with self hatred but as he had to be the one who laughs at everything and everyone he had to make a comment.

"You are such a pervert," Dean choked a smile which didn't even fool Castiel by the looks of it but mostly because he looked slightly more confused than usual and offended, "I saw you checking out my fine body."

"You where along with your brother one of the charges I had sent to guard over, so your half nakedness doesn't bother me," Castiel announced.

"You didn't seem to like it when Chastity was half-naked," nudging him, while grinning widely.

Castiel blushed, even though he was in a vessel, Dean found it weird that an angel could blush and he added a shudder at the end for effect which he didn't know he was creating, "She was looking at me like she wanted to eat me alive, you however do not when you are half-naked and I shall never forgive you for taking me to that den of iniquity." Castiel said, his cheeks still red from the memory but he smiled at how happy Dean was after the incident occurred.

"Den of iniquity!" Dean scoffed, shaking his head, "No wonder you have never been laid! Why are you still calling it that?"

"Because it is a den of iniquity," he said with a tilt of his head.

"No, Cas, it was a brothel," Dean shook his head, he had no idea how the angel did it but he made him feel better like he was some kind of calming presence, well that was after he had fallen, he was a real douche bag.

"And a brothel is a den of iniquity," Castiel pointed, scratching his head with his head still tilted.

"I don't know why I bother with you," Dean shook his head again.

"If you didn't 'bother' with me, stopping the apocalypse would be more of a hopeless task and the world would surely perish," Castiel said, solemnly.

Dean sighed, Castiel had a habit of making any slight happy atmosphere into a dark and gloomy one instead, and it made him feel sick again knowing the weight that had been thrusted on his shoulders, no one noticing that his spine was about to snap. He couldn't believe how much he wronged Sam, he was the one who protected Sam, and he always had ever since his Mom introduced him to him on the day he was born. Sam was his responsibility, he was more of a Dad to him than their father ever was but it was clear he had failed him as he watched after he left, a few memories of Sam fending for himself even now when they where older and Sam had gotten a small cough, he made sure that he was fit enough to hunt again but he didn't even know he was sick, he had just left without a single goodbye, no wonder he ran off to Standford, he couldn't even rely on his big brother anymore. He was just sad and lonely like Dean was when he had left.

"_**I am better now, hopefully I won't go into another relapse, I don't want Dean to come back and see that I was still sick, it would probably be more evidence to support that I am the weak Winchester of the family, oh, yeah that's right I am not even a Winchester, I am too pathetic to be one like Dad reminds me every time we have a training session on our own, that's why Dean probably left me on my own with that stupid note which gave no information at all, he didn't even give me a way of contacting him, it was probably some screwed up test that Dean devised to see if I am worthy to be his brother or not, I failed more than likely, he deserves a much better brother than me. I am just a whinging cry baby who couldn't hunt my way out of a wet paper bag, God I missed him. He's normally an annoying mother hen when I am sick but it is nice to know that I have least have one person who is willing to look after me but honestly who is there to look after him. God, I am so selfish, he should get sick and tired of looking after me by now. I am an adult, I am fully capable of looking after myself, at least I hope."**_ Castiel quoted his eyes downcast, this wouldn't help with Dean's guilt, and he looked at Dean tears pour slowly down his cheeks who wiped them off angrily as if they were a traitorous villain.

Castiel hated that he had to show him memories like these but they where needed for the rebuilding of the shattered brother's relationship so they could stand together fight together against all the angels, demons and even the devil so they could live in a world with free will.

"This is my entire fault," Dean said, truly believing he was speaking, "I am the reason that he had to go the extra mile with all the hunting so I was never disappointed in Sam, I am the one who lead him to do what he did, and I pressured him."

"Dean, I still have enough power to silence you," Castiel threatened, each words were like a warm blade to his once cold and unyielding heart, "Sam is an adult, capable of making his own decisions, none of this is your fault, you may have done things you may regret but so have we all, I know you feel like Sam is your responsibility but what Sam does isn't."

"Sammy shouldn't have suffered like he has, I should've protected him, it's my job, I thought that not protecting him from Dad was bad but now me, all this time I should have been protecting him from me," Dean whispered, his backed up until he hit something hard and slowly slide down and placed his head in his hands.

Sickened, by a human he found so strong and fearless seeming so weakened and broken made even Castiel's grace feel cold, he felt a slight smidge of guilt of showing Dean these but he had to and he couldn't regret his decision or he may just end up removing his favourite human's memories which would mean wasting a particularly big favour.

"I believe it would be best if I show you a happy memory that is shared by the both of you before I show you the next, it may help calm your nerves," Castiel glanced him, nervously like he waiting for Dean to finally snap and punch him in the face.

Thinking about Castiel's words, Dean agreed because he didn't want to have to deal with anymore crap that happened in Sam's life. He needed a break before he could deal with the inevitable and face whatever Castiel wanted him to see, feel and understand. He wanted to see a young Sam happy so that he could feel all he had done to keep him that way was worthwhile and not a complete waste of time.

"Do you think we could have another good memory after all of this is over as well?" Dean asked, begging in his head, "Because I want to be in the right frame of mind when I see Sammy."

"I believe that is acceptable," but this was after Castiel tilted his head slightly and looked towards the ceiling of the motel room Dean left Sam in.

"You are such a freak," Dean shook his head in wonder; he didn't think Castiel would ever stop surprising him.

"I must seem so," Castiel seemed to ponder this for a moment, "But to me, you humans seem like the freaks to me but I am normal in a muddle of freaks so I must be seen as the freak to them."

"You are such a freak," Dean repeated, the tension had been relived now knowing what he was going to face wasn't horrible but now pleasant, he just hoped Castiel choose a decent memory out of Sam's favourites.

The scene changed, Dean and Castiel were now standing in an ice cream parlour, one of which an eighteen year old Dean and a fourteen year old Sam was about to enter, they both had a grin on their faces and looked like they had been laughing about something they had found hilarious if you went by their flushed cheeks. The ice cream parlour had bright red and white stripes all around and high circular tables dotted around the room as well as on the sides they were booths with red leather chairs and a red table. There was also a bar type area which was situated near the till so costumers could sit and order ice cream at their leisure.

_Dean held the door open for Sam as they entered the shop, he patted his younger brother's shoulder on his way past, and they both looked the massive variety of ice cream they could consume. However Dean knew they would only one flavour that Sam would want._

"_Go get us a place to sit while I go order," Dean ordered, without really looking at his brother, "You want the usual?"_

Dean stared amusedly as his younger brother's face goes annoyed and worried that he had no idea of what Sam actually wanted. He should have been offended really, like he didn't know what his little brother's ice cream flavour was. To be fair to Sam, he would have been worried that he orders from the strange section and forced him to eat it.

"_Yes… but how do…," Sam started to argue but was cut off by Dean, even still Sam was cautiously not going to move away from the spot he was currently standing in._

"_Go on, Sammy," Dean shooed him away, grinning as he knew he was purposefully screwing with him, "Do you want me to hold your hand?"_

"_My God, you are such a jerk," Sam stormed off._

Oh, those were the days, Dean had to reminisce, the smallest amount of teasing would set his brother off into a girly teenage tantrum.

"_My God, you are such a bitch," Dean returned loudly to Sam's back._

_Dean ordered a pie with some ice cream on the side, he wasn't going to miss the chance of have some pie which would taste pretty darn great and he ordered Sam a plain cone with mint chocolate ice cream with a flake. His brother's favourite and the only ice cream that Sam would eat without throwing a bitch fit which normally entailed huffing and glaring but he was only six at the time so he wasn't that much to blame._

_Walking over to the far corner where Sam was sitting in booth (Sam hated climbing up on those tall chairs), Dean carefully manoeuvred himself to not to drop the pie and the ice cream while walking fast enough to ensure that the ice cream didn't melt. Sam when handed the ice cream, smiled brilliantly as he saw that this older brother had gotten the unspoken order correctly._

Seeing that grin on Sam's face made Dean wish that it was that easy to do that now, he couldn't believe that at one time it was that easy to make his brother happy as it was near impossible now.

"_How did you know that mint chocolate was my favourite?" Sam asked clearly in awe of his brother._

"_I know all," Dean smirked, clearly happy to see Sam look at him like that, he took a big chuck of his pie and said while chewing, "Come on, Sam, do you really think I would forget your favourite ice cream after the incident of '89."_

"Your table manners are appalling," Castiel informed him, as he watched Dean eat his pie.

"I will take offensive to that," Dean said, thinking that he couldn't talk because of Valentine's Day.

"Good, maybe it would make you more polite in your habits in future situations," Castiel told him, still watching with slight disgust.

Not bothering to argue any further, Dean ignored that comment and continued to watch himself and Sam.

"_Dude, I was like six," Sam shook his head in amazement, "And we haven't had ice cream since."_

_Dean watched as concern and slight bitterness flittered across his baby brother's face._

"_What's wrong, buddy? You looked happy moments ago," Dean nudged Sam's foot underneath the table._

Now, Dean remembered why they where there. Sam hadn't been the happiest of late and taking Sam out was to make him feel better. His Dad had been forcing him to go on hunts more frequently which he had enjoyed but it had meant leaving Sam on his own more often which made his brother increasingly more unhappy. This in turn made Dean guiltier and started to make him miss Sam, so he started to take him out to more places to make sure they had more quality time together.

"_Won't Dad be mad at us for not going straight to him?" Sam did the puppy dog look which Dean was hundred per cent sure he didn't know that he was doing._

"_Not if I tell him that we hit traffic," Sam looked at him unsure and worried, "Don't worry your pretty head about it, let me handle Dad."_

"_He'll find a way to blame me anyway," Sam said, bitterly._

_Dean gasped and said something that looked like it susprise Sam greatly, "How many times do I have to tell you I am Batman and you are Robin. And what would Batman never do?"_

"_Allow Robin be in a dangerous situation when Batman himself could be in his place," Sam said like he had repeated it many times before, but he still looked shocked that Dean had used it in this context._

Similarly, Dean was surprised as well. He never tried to present John as someone Sam needed protection from. He must have had a bad hunt with him beforehand because that must have been the only way to explain his actions but now he believed he should of protected Sam from John because obviously their relationship was a lot worse than he had previously thought.

"_That's right, Sammy," Dean said, as he swallowed down a piece of pie._

_Sam licked his ice cream, grinning at his brother. He was savouring the taste of his tongue because he didn't know how long it would take to get a treat such like this again._

"_Thanks for bringing me here, Dean," Sam smiled, taking another swab of his ice cream._

"_It's alright baby bro; I just can't believe how old you're getting. How did the dance with Mindy Larson go?" _

_Sam blushed while thinking about that night of the school dance which happened to be his first date._

"_None of your business," He informed him, chewing on the end of his flake._

Both Deans scoffed at the same moment which got both of them another funny look from Castiel.

"_Like hell it isn't my business!" Dean told him, kicking Sam's leg hard, "I have told you before; it is my duty to instruct and tease you about girls!"_

"_But I am not going to kiss and tell!" Sam blushed when he realised what he admitting to._

"_Oooh! So then you kissed her, you sly dog, you!" Dean patted Sam's arm so hard, it nearly knocked the ice cream straight out of Sam's hand, "Was their tongue? Please say you were using protection, I don't want any miniature geek boys wandering around because to be quite frank my hands are full with just one."_

"_Ew, there was no tongue, that is just disgusting!" Sam protested, shaking his hand, "And man I know babies are made and kissing isn't the way and I don't think I'll ever do that! I'll stick to kissing!"_

_Dean laughed, and then gasped in an over-dramatic way and said, "My god! My baby brother's innocence has been tainted, spoiled in ways I can't imagine! I remember when I put a dollar under your pillow to keep your belief in the tooth fairy!"_

"_One, you gave me 'the talk'!" Both of them shuddered awkwardly at that event, "Two, man you fell on top of me when you were putting money underneath my pillow! Three, why on earth why trying to make me believe in the tooth fairy, you're the one who told me that Santa wasn't real!"_

Dean could reply to all that easily. The reason why he wanted Sam to believe in the tooth fairy was that so Sam could have some kind of semblance of good in the world that was filled with crap and with Santa, he couldn't deal with the tears every year of him thinking he wasn't a good boy and wasn't deserving of presents but when Sam found out about everything, even though he tried as hard as he could to give Sam a childhood he deserved. His brother would've had to realise quickly there was more bad in the world than good.

"_I fell on top of you because you decided to put your tooth on the other side of the bed away from me!" Dean argued, "And I am way too lazy and tired to go all around your bed just to get your yucky tooth and lose myself a dollar!"_

_Sam laughed and Dean joined in, "You told me, you were trying to catch the tooth fairy and happened to stumble over me!"_

"_You're the one who believed me!" Dean chortled, shaking his head._

_The time passed just like that, the two of them bantering and Dean continuing to grill him about the school dance and Mindy and how he was glad that Susie bitch hadn't scarred him for life. It was fun and carefree and both of them left with a smile on their face even though they knew they over did it a bit with the time and their Dad would be pissed at them when they finally got back to the motel they where staying at. However, the both of them had a good time and that was all that mattered to them and that was written clearly on both boys' faces._

Dean, however now was feeling slightly sick because he knew that the storm was coming. The one he had avoided to watch the memory previously and he hoped that it was better than it was going to be but when is it ever?

"_**Today was the greatest day, I have had in ages! Dean took me out; I have missed him so much! He has been hunting all the time and barely has enough time to notice me some days but today he broke the rules after training and took me out for ice cream. It was like the good old days again when Dean and I were always together! It has been the best day in ages and I am so glad that it happened. He still knows me so well, he remembered my ice cream order from like seven years ago and even though he kept on asking me questions about Mindy Larson which were really embarrassing, it was just so awesome!" **_ Castiel himself couldn't keep the excitement out of his voice when he said it.

Dean felt his throat go dry in panic but his heart warm at his brother's own words. He wish now he had just got the next memory over with instead of procrastinating with good ones but it still made him happy to know that his brother had appreciated him and his attention .

"There is defiantly no explanations needed for this one, Cas, I got it covered," Dean assured Castiel.

"Good," Castiel said, "Because I had no explanation planned."

**I hope this week's late chapter was good or okay hopefully good enough for you to return. I suck, being late adding new memories that probably ruin everything. (Again I am so tired and I probably won't get to sleep until May 2017) Okay maybe a being dramatic however I do write fanfiction and watch Supernatural so I am allowed to be, okay? God, stop judging me. I am so tired and I am going to stop writing now because the more I write the later the chapter is going to be and I wish to sleep.**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed, followed and favourited this story. (I copied that from my previous chapter, is it legal to copy oneself, I sure hope so because it be so awkward to explain to myself that I was suing myself. FINE, I will go to sleep)**


	4. Christmas at Bobby's

**Faith in Family**

**Chapter Four:**** Christmas at Bobby's**

**Disclaimer:**** I don't hold ownership of the show Supernatural (Sorry, I was too tired to remember last time, please don't sue me)**

**Word Count:**** 7245**

**Summary:**** Dean was furious at Sam after the events in the 'Dark Side of the Moon' but Castiel uses Sam's real favourite memories and his worse to restore Dean's faith in his brother.**

**Warnings:**** This is the chapter where John is kind of physically abusive but he is 100% emotionally.**

**Okay, guys, I was meant to do a chapter before this to show why Sam did what he did because of Standford (you'll see) so I might do a bonus chapter as I had not have enough time because me having to do lots of coursework. Let me know what you think!**

**I don't like this chapter, I think it is crappy but again even though it is 20 minutes past 8, I am too tired to change it so I am overloading this crap onto you with a dozy grin on my face.**

He had seriously had enough even with all the good it was no wonder Sam had left them, he had failed him really badly and he wished that he could've realised how hard of a time that kid of his was having, he would've a runaway with Sam, they had enough survival instincts drilled into them to do it but it was too late now, the innocent adolescence that Dean dreamed Sam having, seemed even further away now knowing that his childhood was worse than he had previously thought.

Castiel fiddled with the remote and now they standing in a very different scene, Dean very nearly threw up and with smelling and seeing disgusting stuff on a daily basis was very hard to do but it was again, the scene was simply Sam and his Dad (as if he had a right to that name anymore, Dean thought spitefully) sitting in a kitchen. It was the house that the three of them had been living in and they had actually had lived there longer than four months, John was barely there however but for a week he was and he was uncharacteristically father like, took them to a minor league football game, cinema, forced Sam kicking and screaming to fair where their were clowns (Dean of course had the time of his life). It was strange like almost know thinking about it that he knew about Sam's departure and was making him guilty for even thinking about it. The place was nicer than usual, it had a separated kitchen which Sam and their Dad was sitting in, the cupboards were a ghastly bright yellow colour which were peeling to reveal whiteness that were smeared with dirt underneath. There were plates drying on the drying rack which of course Sam did, if they weren't going to have a colossal argument that cost not seeing Sam for two years and then two years after that he would have forced Dean to put then away which Dean found a pointless task as what was the point of putting away something that you were going take out for later?

Dean knew that he had to stop thinking about thoughts that were getting off subject but he was terrified about what this memory going to unfold into.

"Do you wish for me to play it?" Castiel asked, playing with the remote.

Dean nodded once and that was Castiel needed for this to go forward.

_Sam was tapping his thumb on the wooden table, ignoring the feeble sounds of protest the weak table was making from the lightest touch, John was glaring at his youngest son's messy mop of a forehead like it had personally wronged him in some fashion._

"_Are you going to say what this freakin' happy sugar coated father son talk about?" Sam smirked, one that screamed Dean and looked out of placed on the younger brother, "Or is it one of your fucking games?"_

_Dean was shocked, Sam was never that rude when it came to talking to their father, it made him wonder why Sam treated him like that; Sam gave people respect to the weirdest people who had done awful things to him so why not John. Had he really scarred him that bad? _

"_I am your father and you will show me some respect," John growled, his glare looked like he was attempting laser through into Sam's skull._

"_You lost my respect a long time ago, Dad," he said the word with only contempt, there was no love or respect left there anymore, "I am so very sure that you have never been my father or Dean's for that matter. What kind of father leaves a six-year old to look after a two year old?"_

"_All I have ever done was for the good of this family," John protested, visibly getting angrier with his youngest, "Something that you have shown any attention to, anyway we are getting from the matter, you're leaving."_

_Sam looked shocked, he had no idea what John was talking about, and he looked at him with wild eyes. He had no where to go and Dean even though he thought Sam a burden, they couldn't live without each other._

A manner of emotions coursed through Dean's body, first was confusion, what was his father up to? The second was fear, maybe Sam always wanted to stay with Dean but was forced to stay away, he had no idea how this effected Sam's self-esteem without him even noticing. The third of course was guilt which was slowly crushing him from the inside out, why had he never noticed what his father had been doing to his brother? A boy he had sworn to protect as soon Sam had opened his eyes. Had Dean truly failed him that much? Hope was swirling around the whirlpool the smallest amount, so small it was barely noticeable, maybe just maybe Sam wanted always to stay his brother no matter what happened. Maybe Sam was just that loyal and he failed to notice as he could see his bad attributes and none of his good ones.

"_W-what do you m-mean?" Sam stammered realisation had known suddenly flashed in his deep brown irises as he saw what was in his father's hands._

_John took out a thick envelope which had the Standford crest on it, Sam gaped at it, his father couldn't know that he had tried out for a placement just before his senior year, could he? He had only done it for some kind of escape route after Dean's drunken incident if he decided that he had needed it, he never truly took it seriously but the had gotten the grades that Standford expected of him and got his acceptance letter but he couldn't leave._

"_Ah, I found this at Bobby's, thought we should a little chat," he smiled, it was pleasant it wasn't even filled with falsified politeness, it was clear that the smile should be associated with malicious intent._

"_You want me to leave so I can go to Standford?" Sam looked so pale, confused and scared; he looked so much younger and smaller than he actually was._

"_Couldn't leave your useless arse on the side of the road, could I? At least now your brother will be on the right side," John smirked and gave him a calculating look, one which he could give a demon torturing a young child._

"_Oh!" Sam laughed, as if everything in his life had finally been made clear, "You don't like how close your 'prefect little soldier' is to me, do you? That was your fault Daddy dearest, not my own."_

_John glared at Sam, clearly not liking the idea of being mocked especially by someone who was like Sam who liked to manipulate people to their will and then their barriers go up when someone finally catches them out._

"_You made him think you where so sweet, an innocent to protect no matter the costs, he will even go against me to satisfy you," John sneered, "But really you where some kind of weak type of burden that I couldn't get rid of, now I can. Now, I finally get rid of the piece of vermin you are, no one wants you, Sammy. You're mother would be ashamed of you if she could see you know. You are not a Winchester, you're just a curse!"_

"_Mom, Mom would be ashamed of me? Have you looked yourself in the mirror lately? You're a monster! You have left Dean to look after me for my entire life; I know you don't care much for me, but what about him? Mom loved me as she knows the real meaning of family but you don't! All you ever cared about is vengeance or putting me down as some kind of twisted type of stress relief, I know you punch me harder than you would ever Dean, I also know that you have always made me run longer or screwed up shit like that! So my Mom, the one woman that would love me unconditionally, no matter what I had done would be ashamed of you!" Sam shouted, standing, wanting to rip that envelope in hands into a million pieces._

_That was when John punched Sam straight on the jaw, which made him fall to the ground, he picked up by the collar of his white t-shirt, and started to rage at him and spit flying into his face, "YOU REALLY THINK SHE WOULD LOVE YOU NOW, EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE HER CAUSE OF HER DEATH? YOU DON'T DESERVE ANY-ONE'S LOVE! SO, GO TO STANFORD SO I NEVER HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR UGLY FACE EVER AGAIN!"_

Dean was seething, Castiel had never seen such anger on a person, it almost looked unearthly to watch, pain radiated from his human charge in waves which was almost pulling him under and forcing him to make him to forget this had never happened. Also Castiel was fully aware that another of one of his rages was going o happen so he decided to pause it, before he had a fully work out how to use a remote and have to replay it back.

"HE'S MINE! NOT YOURS, YOU STUPID SELF-ABSORBED PRICK! HE'S BEEN MINE EVER SINCE I PULLED HIM FROM THAT FIRE! I RAISED HIM; I MADE HIM WHO HE IS TODAY! YOU CAN'T JUST GIVE HIM AWAY WITHOUT TELLING ME FIRST, YOU HAVE NO CLAIM ON HIM EXPECT FROM THE BITS THAT YOU SCREWED UP YOURSELF! WE WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU! I JUST SHOULD HAVE REALISED THIS SOONER, I HATE YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH AND GET AWAY FROM SAMMY BEFORE I BRING YOUR ARSE BACK FROM THE DEAD, JUST SO I KICK IT REPEATEDLY!" Dean yelled glad that his father couldn't respond so he wouldn't have to listen to the bullshit that he would spew.

At times like these, Castiel believed that the most formidable creatures that God created were in fact the human race especially ones like Dean Winchester.

_The front door clicked, Dean had come home, and Sam hissed into his father's ear, "So how do you want to play this?"_

"_SAM! I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW SELFISH YOU ARE! YOU ARE JUST GOING TO LEAVE US TO HAVE SOME APPLE PIE NORMAL LIFE WHEN PEOPLE ARE DYING? AFTER EVERYTHING I HAVE TAUGHT YOU?" John had a pleased gleam in his eye when he realised that Sam wasn't to give him away._

"_WELL, I AM SORRY THAT I AM NOT YOUR PERFECT ACTION FIGURE! I HAVE A MIND OF MY OWN!" Sam shouted back, clearly biting back tears. _

_Dean opened into the room that they where fighting in, he took one look at Sam who had a developing bruise on his jaw and his father's violently shaking form._

"_Dad, did you hit Sammy?" Dean asked, in a small voice, almost cautiously but there was underlining of pure anger in tone._

_John ignored the question clearly annoyed that his son hadn't taken in the words that had just been spoken and had only focused on his little brother; it made him weak which made John's want to do this even stronger for his son._

"_Your brother has decided that saving lives isn't important enough for him so he had decided that studying Pre-Law at Standford will is an acceptable life choice," John said it like it worse possible idea he had ever heard and was disgusted with Sam for even thinking about it._

_As many people knew, Dean was a very closed off person, he wasn't one to wear his heart at his sleeve, he hid his emotions but he was so caught off guard, that anyone who had seen him even if that have never met him in their life would've flinched at the pain in his eyes._

Dean remembered this moment all to well, this was the first time when he truly felt broken, all he had to live for was his baby brother and hunting, and the one that actually any depth to it was Sam, the boy who he raised, who he taught to ride a bike didn't want to stay with him and that made him feel so lost and lonely. Those four years were the worst times of his life on Earth and the idea of having to repeat them physically made him sick so he hoped that Sam will stay with him until they live to the average hunter age.

"_Is this true?" Dean asked, not wanting to believe his father's words._

_Sam not trusting himself to shout the truth just nodded._

"_How?" Dean swallowed, "Why? How could you?"_

_Dean moved towards his father and took the envelope out of his father's hands and read the letter, his hands clenched around the paper as he continued to read the letter became crumpled. _

_Like an angry boar, Dean charged at Sam brandishing the piece of paper, the rest of the contents of the envelope had been deserted on the floor, "You didn't think I should know about this, Sam?_ I am _your brother, I tell you everything, and it is obvious that what's the same for you isn't for me!" _

"_Dean," Sam tried, looking so desperate._

"_No! Sam, don't try to get out of this cause you clearly run from everything, after everything I have done for you, this is how you repay me? You truly are a selfish brat, you know sometimes I am ashamed to call you my brother, I guess you don't care about the monster that killed Mom? I guessed that just slipped your academically smart mind, to busy thinking about law. But, dude seriously law, only sleazy dicks do that, if you wanted to go college you at least do something worth while!" Dean growled, not raising his voice so Sam could hear how disappointed he was in him. _

"Sam," John said, smiling with relief but his voice stern so his oldest couldn't hear it, "We are hunters plain and simple, nothing else matters, we need to you help search for the monster that killed your mother and you think that going to school is more important?"

"_Look, I want a normal life; I have always wanted a normal life. The both of you knew that, I am not like you guys; I don't enjoy killing the supernatural. I just want to get a respectable job and have a wife and a couple of kids thrown in not travelling around never truly having a home to fall back on, I am sorry but this is what I want and there is nothing you guys can do that can change my mind," Sam announced, he had a sudden surge of confidence and he was glad for it._

_Dean stormed out; silent tears were falling down his face, both doors slammed behind him. John started to slap, taunting his youngest son with the biggest grin on his face._

"_That's was actually good, Samuel, you'll be a good lawyer someday," John laughed, "Now, not a word to Dean, why would you believe you anyway?"_

"_You know someday, somehow, karma is going to get you and its going to hurt like a bitch," Sam told him, biting his lip so he wouldn't cry._

_John yelled the top of lungs to make sure that Dean had heard, "IF YOU WALK THROUGH THAT DOOR, SAM DON'T YOU EVER COME BACK!" Suddenly Sam felt his hands being filled with a bus ticket, his envelope and his heavy bag which held his entire life and practically pushed out of the door._

_Castiel had to pull Dean out of the room so they could follow Sam which the angel hadn't Dean would've of probably spent forever glaring at his father which they didn't really have any time fo_r.

_Leaning against the garden wall, Dean sighed and used his fingers to ruffle his hair, pulling on it, wishing he had something to drink so he could get rid of the horrible crushing feeling in his chest. _

"_Dean," Sam called, in response his brother slid down the wall and sat down the grass, Sam moved to sit down next to him and said, "Come on, man, don't act like this."_

"_How do you want me to act Sam?" Dean asked, coldly, "You just want to abandon your family, forget everything that Dad taught us, what I taught you. Go ahead but don't think I will be there when you need me."_

"_Please," Sam begged, "Please, don't let it end like this, I need you, you're my big brother I will always need you."_

"_Then stay," Dean growled, "Just stay with us, so we can be a family, the Winchesters against the world remember? Of course you don't." _

"_I can't stay, Dean, we'll never be happy if you know that I don't want to hunt , I just want a shot at a normal life, please say that you can understand that," Sam tried to touch Dean's shoulder but he just flinched away from the touch._

"_I don't, Sam, I am sorry but, I will never understand how you want to destroy our family by leaving us, I mean seriously dude, how can you be that selfish?" Dean asked, and sighed with regret, "I thought that I had taught you better than that."_

"_You did, maybe you'll understand in a couple of years but don't shut me out of your life completely, be honest you don't want that," Sam had no idea what to do or what to say, he was just so lost._

_Dean stood up, his green eyes raging, he glared down at his brother, clearly had enough with the crap that his brother had been spewing and gave his own ultimatum, "Dad's right, if you go just stay gone, you are either with us or against us."_

_When Sam just looked to the ground and didn't say anything, Dean sighed and spat out, "Fine, have your own way then, I will drive you the bus station and that will be it."_

Deciding that he shouldn't wait, Castiel read Sam's diary entry, _**" I guess is this it, I finally got out of hunting, the life and my family, great, ain't that just great? At least I won't be a burden to Dean anymore, right? He can go hunting with his Dad and they can be the family they always wanted to be. I was the freak, the one that Dad never wanted and in time Dean would understand that to. He probably knew this anyway, probably be so glad to be to rid of me. I should have left years ago, I just for made sure that Dean wouldn't have been able to find me years ago. At least I have gotten out of Dad's way, so they could be the Winchesters against the world and I guess I can be just Sam studying Law at Standford. Hopefully, this could be the best possible solution for all of us."**_

"You know sometimes, Cas, I really wish that I could knock some sense in him, for someone so clever, he can be so stupid," Dean almost laughed, his eyes wide with amazement.

"I must agree, but I believe sometimes the same goes for you," Castiel told him, looking down at Sam's diary.

"God, I just can't understand why Sam would keep that from me, he could've just stayed with me, explained what happened, left Dad and hey presto we would still be together," Dean told Castiel like it was the best possible plan that has ever been created.

"Sometimes I really despair, Sam didn't want to ruin your perception of your father and he has always felt like a burden to you so he couldn't take the risk of you taking John's side and you wanting him to leave," Castiel informed him, exasperated, "There was also the chance of you not believing him."

"That's just..." Dean struggled for the right word to say, "Stupid!"

"Obviously," Castiel sighed, "But it was what Sam felt so what are we to question them."

"Can you please give me a good memory now?" Dean almost begged, not wanting to have deal with what he was feeling at this moment.

"Yes of course but we are going to have to discuss this later." Castiel told him, sternly leaving no room for argument.

Dean nodded, distractedly. watching the scene mould into something else, it was Bobby's house, still as old and grubby as ever but it was home for them other than the Impala of course, no matter where or who that car came from, it would always be his car and Sam would always be sitting in the front with him bitching about his choice of music. The Impala didn't have Bobby though mostly because he had his own cars but that was beside the point, Bobby's house was their second home and one that would always be there. The sitting room was covered in ancient Christmas decorations, the only thing that was new has the to real tall tree which had to little decorations on it and the star that rested on the top was pointing to the floor and was secured to the tree by duck tape.

"This is a joint favourite memory for both you and Sam," Castiel said, pressing the play button.

"_Bobby," Sam said, almost desperately following behind Bobby who was holding a bowl filled with sweets, "I probably should go I shouldn't be here."_

"_Like hell you're going, I have wanted you boys down here for Christmas since the dawn of time, so you are gonna sit your arse down and stop your whinging, your brother is gonna be here soon and your are going to be nice and polite or I am gonna kick your arse straight to hell and back, understood?" _

_The twenty year old Sam gulped and nodded once, "Understood." and sat down and placed the bowl beside him._

"_Good," Bobby left Sam so he could watch the game that was playing and he could make the dinner._

_That was when the door opened to reveal Dean Winchester looking angry and as soon as he saw Sam he sneered at him and didn't look very pleased by the situation, he was holding a bottle shaped present wrapped in newspaper which was clearly whiskey for Bobby._

"What the hell you doing here?" Dean growled, tossing his keys on the table beside the door.

"_Um, didn't you know?" Sam asked giving Dean a deer caught in the headlights look, "Bobby invited me to."_

"_Bobby!" Dean shouted, charging into the kitchen, "Why is Sam here?"_

"_As I told your brother, I have wanted you boys here for Christmas for ages so you are to buck it up and sit yourself down in the living room so you don't distract me while I am cooking," Bobby told him sternly._

_Sam hearing this looked, really scared about what Dean was going to do to him, for all he knew Dean had been completely manipulated him to hate him like his father did? Maybe he would see what type of monster he actually was for being the cause of his mother's death?_

_Dean came back in the room with a sneer still placed firmly on his face and had no intention of leaving, he sat in the chair that was the furthest away from where Sam was sitting, it stung Sam deeply but he refused to let it show. They sat there in silence, watching the game which made Dean uncomfortable so he started fidgeting and bouncing his finger against the wooden table beside him which was increasingly annoying Sam to the point he had to intervene._

"_Stop that, will you?" Sam pinched his nose_.

"_It's not my fault that I am stick in here with you, is it?" If you don't like it, then leave! Oh wait you have already done that!" Dean said, laughing without any humour._

"_Can we just bury that for today? Bobby just wants to have a weird domestic Christmas so can we at least be civil?" Sam hoped that Dean would listen to his words just for Bobby's sake._

"_Sam, I haven't heard anything from you since the day you left two years ago and you expect me to be fine with that, I mean you could've of just phoned on my birthday? Is that hard? Or pick up the phone when I call, seriously dude, that's just not fair!" Dean growled, getting up and pacing._

"_Look, man I just thought you were calling to yell at me some more and I don't want to ruin your Birthday," Sam told him, looking down at his hands and picking his fingers_

"_Ruin my birthday? Huh, Sam that the best you can come up with? That just sounds like a big crappy bag full of excuses," Dean shouted him, still pacing and making exaggerated hand movements._

"_You are the one who said that if I left I should never come back!" Sam shouted back at him, getting up from his chair._

"_And you seriously thought that I meant that?" Dean asked, ludicrously, "I mean I was angry and upset, I didn't think you'd take mine to heart, Dad's sure but mine of course I didn't mean it."_

"_I am not a mind reader, Dean, if you wanted to see if I was okay or not you could've of come visited me at Stanford but you didn't!" Sam retorted, getting increasingly irritated but he forced himself to calm down, "I agree that I should have answered your calls but I was scared of what your reaction would be."_

Stopping himself pacing, Dean grabbed Sam by the arms and said, "You're damn right you should have answered your phone!"

"_I know and I am sorry and when I go back to Stanford , I will answer every call," Sam promised, secretly wishing that he could go back on the road with Dean or even better he would come with him to California and they both could attempt a chance of normalcy, both he knew would never happen._

"_You better, Sam because you're still young enough for me to beat your arse, you get me?" Dean asked smiling which showed all of his teeth like a shark would._

"_I will," Sam promised again, glaring at Dean for his threat._

"_Good," Dean nodded, accepting his promise, "Now tell me are there any fit girls at Stanford?"_

"_Logistically there has to be a few fit girls there," Sam shook his head, smiling at his brother._

"_I don't know, knowing you chose the university where all the trolls live" Dean smirked, "So, are they wild?"_

"_Wild? Seriously man, I was too busy studying to care if they 'wild' or not! I was actually studying," Sam told him, scratching the back of his head._

"_Come on! Studying? The college years are supposed be the best of your life and you're too busy studying?" Dean laughed, suddenly feeling freer than he has in awhile._

"_Just because you haven't studied a day in your life," Sam scoffed, he felt the same way Dean did, and it felt like a missing part of him had finally been reattached. _

"_But, come on there must be one girl that has caught your eye," Dean nudged Sam when he saw him blushing slightly, "Spill!"_

"_There is this one girl, we've been out a couple of times," Sam told him, smiling fondly, "You'd really like her, man, she is so beautiful and she is quite tall so she doesn't like a miniature doll standing next to me which is always a bonus."_

"_You sound like you really like her," Dean commented, "Which also makes you sound like a complete and total girl."_

"_So have you had any conquests recently?" Sam wanted to get off the subject before Dean really starting to insult him._

"_Yeah, one of them was called Lisa; it was the bendiest weekend of my life!" Dean seemed to remember this with extreme happiness._

"It must have been a good weekend as you actually remember her name," Sam teased.

"_Dude, I am never forgetting her!" Dean swore, "She could do this thing with her tongue where she would..."_

"_STOP IT!" Sam shouted, not wanting to think about his brother in that way._

"_See what I mean, girl," Dean shook his head, like this was all the proof that was needed._

_Bobby watched them from the kitchen with a grin on his face, this what he wanted his boys be normal without their life choices getting in the way of their relationship, maybe if this went well Bobby could say that he was the one who re-established the brother's bond. He continued watch as the turkey was cooking, watching Sam laugh at Dean's ridiculous adventures of getting laid and looking slightly pale if Dean had close encounter with death on one of his hunts. Dean even seemed interested on how he was doing at college, he thought it was typical that Sam was the third best in the year and also found Sam's close calls with some crazy girls._

"Dinners ready boys," Bobby announced.

The three of them crowded around Bobby's small kitchen table, handing each other food and soon as Dean got said food he has inhaling it.

"_Slow down, boy, "Bobby barked at Dean, "Your going to get hiccups if you don't."_

_Dean ignored him with his mouth filled with roast potatoes announced proudly, "Dean Winchester never gets hiccups!"_

_Sam looked disgusted at his brother's table manners; he was honestly quite surprised that he knew how to use a knife and fork but still there where quite horrible._

"_Sam, stop looking at me like that!" Dean ordered when he saw Sam crinkle his nose, "It's not my fault that you don't eat food like a man."_

"_Caveman more like," Sam scoffed._

It wasn't until after desert of peach pie which Bobby shopped brought and they had adjusted their belts that Dean let out a tiny little squeak.

"Dean Winchester doesn't get hiccups what bull!" Sam laughed at Dean's expense that had hiccupped again.

"_Oh, __**hiccup**__ shut up __**hiccup**__ Sam," Dean said, annoyed, his arms were crossed and his cheeks were red._

_Both Bobby and Dean laughed and Bobby said, "Told you, idgit!"_

"Your hiccup the hiccup idgit," Dean shouted after him as he had just started to clear up the plates.

_Sam decided to repay Bobby for the meal that he and Dean should clear up for Bobby, which Dean had reluctantly agreed to, as Dean continued to dry the plates, he continued to hiccup until Bobby sneaked up behind him and shouted "BOO!" right in his ear which made him drop the plate he was holding._

"_Son of a bitch!" Dean growled, glaring at Bobby and Sam who where laughing hysterically, "That is not funny. Do you want me to shoot you?" _

"_It stopped you hiccupping though, didn't it?" Bobby grinned, gruffly, "Now clear that plate up, you clumsy oaf!"_

_Dean glared at him and did what he was told grumbling all the time about how it wasn't his fault and Bobby should clear it up but he completed his task and then was left with all the drying up, Sam had finished up washing. Sam ended up helping Dean drying up which Dean would never do himself but he was grateful for it._

_After they had finished, Bobby wanted to get his two bottles of whiskey which he would defiantly be getting from the boys and also wanted to give the presents he had gotten for them. He knew Dean hadn't gotten anything for the youngest Winchester but Bobby hoped that Dean wouldn't make that big of a deal about it._

_They where sitting in the living both brother shoved the bottle shaped presents into his hands, it amused Bobby how different the boy's wrapping skills, Dean was clumsily wrapped in newspaper, the parts where it gave you the numbers of phone sex of all the pages Dean thought that would be the most appropriate wrapping paper that he could find. Sam however was decently and tightly wrapped in such a way it was hard to get into and was wrapped in a festive red shiny paper. Bobby handed them their presents normally would have to wait until way after new years to give them the present he had brought for them mostly because John never wanted the boys to have a Christmas around the hunters because John never wanted them to get sentimental over the days that didn't matter anymore in his mind. Bobby however was a big fan of Christmas even when his wife died, he always tried to keep a tradition of celebrating it, normally it would be Rufus coming over and they would drink and he would make fun of Bobby's idea of having a Christmas. Rufus refused to come this year as he said he was busy doing God knows what so Bobby thought it was time invite his boys over and he thought it might of been the best decision he had made in a long time._

Giving the presents he brought to them, after they had a laugh about Sam and Dean getting the Bobby the same gift, he gave Sam a good sturdy briefcase as he said that he would need one if he wanted to become a lawyer which Sam beamed at him for and he had gotten Dean a new switch blade as Bobby was getting annoyed with him constantly complaining about it

_Sam reached into his pocket and pulled out a tightly wrapped present, and pressed into Dean's hands, smiling awkwardly and sweetly at his brother._

"_What's this, Sam?" Dean asked, clearly surprised by getting a present from his brother._

"_It's your present, this is why I am known as the smart one," Sam joked, still looking nervous for Sam's reaction._

"_Oh shut up, Sasquatch," Dean demanded, it was now his turn to look awkward, "Sam, I haven't gotten you anything."_

"_Didn't expect you to, either, just open it before I take it away," Sam demanded, rolling his eyes._

_Struggling, to open the tightly wrapped present, Dean ended up actually using his switchblade to get into it which made both Bobby and Sam laugh when he finally got into the gift. Dean looked so shocked but so happy at the same time, he brought out of the shiny wrapping paper, it was a silver colt 1911 with ivory handles and a pattern engraved on the sides. Sam knew that Dean had always admired this gun since he saw it in a magazine when they where younger but he had never been able to find one, this type of gun has been used by military and the police force for over a century so Dean knew that it must a good and strong model._

"Sammy," that was the only thing that Dean said.

_Sam who always his refused his nickname since he was fifteen was now glad for it this one time as throughout the entire day he had only called him by his proper name which proved that Dean hadn't entirely accepted him back fully but this had._

"_Dean," Sam replied, a relived smile gracing his face, he was so worried that Dean was going to take this the wrong way._

"_Thank-you, Sammy, I love it," Dean informed him, looking at the gun with intense consecration which was uncommon for the oldest brother._

"_It's alright, Dean," Sam told him, that was when Dean attacked him with a hug which ended up Sam patting him awkwardly on the back._

"Come on, you great big teddy bear, get off your brother so I can put the film on," Bobby told Dean, gruffly.

"What film are we watching?" Sam asked after his brother had stopped squishing him.

"It's a Wonderful Life," Bobby replied, slightly embarrassed, this was also something that Rufus teased him about but he was determined to keep the tradition after his wife died even if he was called a 'daisy girl', "And no complaints either!"

"_It's a Wonderful Life?" Dean asked, laughing but Bobby gave him look which clearly showed he wasn't to be messed with, "It's brilliant film."_

"_You bet it is," Bobby growled, giving both of them warning looks._

_Soon they had gotten settled into the film but after half an hour of it, Dean got bored so to keep himself a little bit occupied so he started to flick the knife of his switchblade up and then down again and he kept doing this and soon both Sam and Bobby was getting irritated with him until Bobby had reached his breaking point and said,_

"_For goodness sake, boy! If don't stop doing that, I will make you swallow it," Bobby threatened, stonily._

"_Fine," Dean pouted, putting the blade down the sofa right next to him and then crossing his arms._

"_Dude, you are such are a child," Sam laughed, looking at the petulant look on his brother's face._

"_Are not!" Dean protested, looking even more like a grumpy six year old._

"_Are to!" _

"_Are not!"_

"_Are to!"_

"_Are not!"_

"_Are to!"_

"_Shut up the both of you, you're both children!" Bobby told them, shaking his head amused but slight annoyed that he to strain to even attempt to hear what the characters were saying._

_That was when an angry knock was heard._

Dean who had remained silent throughout the entire in a much more calmer and happier state than he was in previously flinched at the sound and knew who exactly who they where and now wanted this memory to stop before it turned into one of his worst.

"So, are we going to stop now?" Dean asked, keeping the desperation out of his voice.

"No," Castiel informed him, "It will best if you see the rest of this memory."

"But why?" Dean questioned him, curiously, "I already know what happens, I am not exactly waiting in line to see it happening again."

"As, I think if you go to Sam in this content mood, I don't think that you'll be 'in the right mood' then either," Castiel informed him, staring sadly into his eyes.

"Fine," Dean grumbled, not wanting to watch this at all.

"I wonder who that is," Bobby said, getting up and pausing the film at the same time.

"It's Santa coming to congratulate Sam on how much of a good boy he is," Dean said, falsely excited and jigging slightly on the sofa.

"You are seriously demented," was Sam's comeback and was accompanied by a strange look shot at his brother.

_Bobby opened the door, to see a furious John Winchester standing in the doorway, his brown eyes flashing uncontrollably and the glare that he sent Bobby's way was meant to kill._

"_Where the hell is my son?" John growled, intensely._

"_Don't mean your sons?" Bobby retorted, angrily opening the door further so John could see Sam and Dean._

_Sam looked petrified Dean did also, Sam was frozen obviously not expecting him to show up, Dean was nervously tapping his finger on the side of the sofa and biting his lips. Both looked like naughty boys waiting outside the principals office after being caught doing something wrong._

_John stormed in, ignoring the fact he hadn't been invited in and bellowed at Sam, "What the hell are you doing here?"_

"_No, John the hell are you doing here? I asked you to come but you said that you where too busy, you can't just turn up." Bobby spat out, gruffly slamming the door behind him_.

"_When I said I was busy, I meant Dean was busy to," taking his attention off Sam so he could glare at the hunter._

"_He clearly isn't if he's here," Bobby pointed out, getting more agitated by the minute._

"_Don't be smart with me, Bobby, you are always interfering ever since I have met you, telling me how to raise my boys, teaching them baseball instead of training them but this is too far," John shouted at him, going red._

"_You may not of noticed in your own little messed up world but they have grown up they can make their own decisions," Bobby growled._

"_Just because you don't have any kids of your own, don't think you can take mine," John accused, the red quickly turning into purple._

"_Oh, I am sorry for trying to give them some kind semblance of a normal childhood," Bobby quickly fired back, neither of them where pulling any punches and soon it was going to get nasty if no one intervened._

"_Stop it!" Sam shouted, "It's Christmas! Can't we be peaceful just this once without any arguments before one of you gets a gun out and shots each other?"_

"_You left us, Sam," John told him, coldly, "You have no right on what this family does as you ditched out on that responsibility." _

Dean watched Sam's hands clench and he clearly wanted to say more to his father, this made Dean even more annoyed at himself. How could he of not noticed that? He always thought he was well tuned in to Sam's emotions but clearly he wasn't. It made him feel sad that he didn't know his brother like he should do.

"_See, what I mean John?" Bobby asked, slightly mocking, "You have completely deserted your own son and for what reason? The fact he went to college? That's low even for you!"_

"_He left his own family for selfish reasons," John barked, "You had no right to invite him anywhere, he is not your responsibility."_

"_He is not a responsibility, you jackass," Bobby gruffly told him, "He is a boy, your boy."_

_Dean who had remained silent throughout the entire encounter finally got up and told his father, "Everything was brilliant before you came, why do have to ruin everything?"_

_This made John furious, ridiculously angry, Dean had only been back with his brother for a half a day and already the brat was turning him against his father. This was unacceptable, he had to get his son away from him as quickly as possible before Sam slips and everything comes out. John gave his youngest a look which if was read clearly showed that if this continued there would be hell to pay._

"_Dad's right," Sam announced, suddenly, "I am not part of this anymore; I made my decision two years ago. It's not fair now, you're much better off without me all of you. I shouldn't have come here today; I knew it could cause nothing but trouble. I am sorry, Dean, don't contact me again," Sam stormed away into the snowy outside knowing he would have to hitchhike if he wanted to get anywhere near a bus station that would take him to California._

_He was able to hear something that made him snicker even in his miserable mood, "See what you did! I swear to God if I ever see your ugly ass face in this salvage yard ever again, I will fill your ass with bug shot!"_

"How are you feeling?" Castiel asked him, slightly worried, his past experience hasn't been that nice and he was worried that showing Dean this wouldn't have the correct end result.

"Exhausted, please say that's the end of it," Dean begged, he was grateful that the scene was changing back into the forest.

"Nearly, Dean," Castiel told him, smiling slightly.

**I must apologise to those who I didn't reply to last week who reviewed after I updated my chapter, I honestly passed out from exhaustion and then I went to the Harry Potter studio tour (awesome by the way) and then I felt awkward about replying hours later and then I felt guilty and then I felt more awkward as time went by. So sorry and their will be definite replies this time if you want to review me of course.**

**Tell me if you want the bonus chapter which was mentioned at the beginning.**

**The website where I got the information on Dean's gun will be up next chapter. Promise, I just have to find it first.**

**Thanks to everyone who favourited, followed and reviewed (sorry) this story.**


	5. The Bond

**Faith in Family**

**Chapter Five: ****The Bond (this is a joke about how many times I seem to mention the bond between them in this chapter.)**

**Disclaimer:**** Not mine, if I did own SPN it would have a lot of hugging and more Destiel (don't judge, it is totally canon.) **

**Word Count for Chapter:**** 4525**

**Word Count for Entire Story:**** 28550 (I totally didn't make sure it would end in a zero, pfft!)**

**Summary:**** Dean was furious at Sam after the events in the 'Dark Side of the Moon' but Castiel uses Sam's real favourite memories and his worse to restore Dean's faith in his brother.**

**Warnings:**** Again probably swearing but I don't remember even if I read like ten minutes ago.**

**Frist off, the information where I got Dean's gun is on my profile mostly cause I am way to lazy to be like make the spaces disappear with the magical use of your backspace button. I would check it out because it is awesome and helpful.**

**This is the last chapter guys, the very last no more ever except I am thinking of making three bonus chapters because they are loose endings that have been bothering the hell outta of me so they will most likely be up in the summer when I am stressing over my results and decide that I shouldn't let Tumblr rot my brain to hell.**

**Let's gallop into the unknown…**

Even after all that something was still nagging on Dean's mind even though he understood his brother more; this still didn't give Sam any forgiveness for what he done. He had still chosen Ruby over him and even though it was unknowingly he still started the Apocalypse.

"I told you, he would still have doubts," A smug voice came up behind Dean, Dean span around hoping it wasn't who he thought it was.

Gabriel was standing there in his short glory smirking at the oldest Winchester.

"Cas, its Gabriel who owes you a favour?" Dean asked not Castiel but Gabriel angrily, "How do I know this is not one of your stupid tricks?"

This was all very distressing to Dean's worn out mind, how does he know that all he saw was real? How did even know if Castiel was real? This could be one of Gabriel's stupid games, just to mess with his head. Does this mean that his newer fresher better perception of Sam would have to go back to the old one?

"I assure you, it isn't," Gabriel informed, "I owed Cas as you call him an apology, that place where I sent while you where in TV land wasn't pleasant and I can even I admit it to myself to send the only decent younger brother to that place was a dick head move even for me."

"It's me, Dean," Castiel tried to reassure him, "My brother just wanted forgiveness from someone in his family and I was the one who gave it to him."

"Fine but I still can't be sure that I saw was true when Gabriel is involved," Dean said, looking at the both of them with suspicion.

Castiel passed Sam's used diary to him and told him to look through it, it was filled with pictures that Dean saw Sam draw when he was younger and the doodles around the sides, there was nothing you could fault and that wasn't Gabriel's style there is always small purposeful mistakes so you could either figure out that a trickster is involved or doubt yourself even further but there where none.

"This is me, this isn't some illusion." Castiel told him, looking deep into his eyes.

Right, then and there Dean believed him and Gabriel who might just bite him on the ass but if he does, he'll just have to deal with it and anyway if this wasn't the real Castiel, the actual real Castiel would have attempted to intercept. That was something Dean knew for sure because he knew now that angel of his would just about do anything for them even if did meant facing that unknown torment that he previously had to go through months ago.

"My brothers have always manipulated you to their wishes so would it really susprise if they done they same to Sam? Gabriel asked him rhetorically; fishing out a phone from is pocket.

Dean recognised that phone, it was the main phone that Sam used, the one that must on the youngest Winchester's person at all times or they would be hell to pay. It was the same for his phone as well.

"Why do have my brother's phone?" Dean asked the angel angrily, violating his personal space "What if he gets hurt and he has no way of contacting me? If he's hurt, I will come and kill you, no matter how long it takes. I will kill you!"

"Put your momma bear claws away," Gabriel ordered, a smirk still firmly planted, "Your brother is fine."

"Dean, you need to listen to this," Castiel informed, ignoring Dean's arguing and Gabriel's flippant banter back, "There is a lot more to what happened before the Apocalypse started that meets the eye."

Without warning the horrible message started to play in his voice which held so much disgust it made him shudder, "Listen to me, you blood sucking freak. Dad always said I'd either have to save you or kill you. Well, I am giving you fair warning: I'm done trying to save you. You're a monster, Sam, a vampire. You're not you anymore. And there is no going back."

_No, that couldn't be right, were the angel really that hell bent on destroying the only family he had left? _Dean thought. Why didn't Sam punch him, got angry at him not at Lilith? However with all these new questions he now understood. The only person who loved you properly lost their love and faith properly the only thing that is left to do is fall off the wagon completely. Sam probably went to that convent hoping for death but doing it swinging so that he could avenge the one person who always stood up for him. Sam had nobody to rely on that day except for Ruby and bucket loads of demon blood because that was the day he felt like had lost everything because to Sam, Dean was everything always.

"So that's what he heard instead of that message I actually sent?" Dean asked, not truly wanting to know the answer.

Castiel nodding silently, watching the silent tears that where falling down his cheeks with slight interest but largely with concern and he was grateful that Gabriel hadn't commented on them. As Castiel didn't want Dean's heckles to rise again.

"I hope this means I am forgiven," Gabriel prompted.

"Yes, you are," Castiel allowed, and with that the archangel disappeared.

"I need to get back to Sammy," Dean told him, "Please just zap me back."

Castiel just smiled and wanted to say something about him being constipated if he did that and also that Dean is indecisive that it confuses him and that he just should stick to one thing because for he knows, Dean might soon want his space to be invaded.

"Not just yet," Castiel pulled the amulet that Dean had threw in the bin just hours ago, and put it in his hand, "This symbolises two different things, one for me and one for you. Mine is the last connection I have with my father, the only hope that I could find him but that isn't going to happen so I guess yours is way more important. Yours is the bond you share with your brother by throwing it in the bin shows that you don't care much about it and doing that would've hurt him just as much as it hurt you. I know this sounds ridiculous and you will laugh at me but that amulet is what Sam and Dean represents. You see it represents your bond and your love. If you throw that in the bin, then why are you fighting your destiny anyway? You may as well give into Michael and Lucifer want for you two to fall out then it will undoubtedly end up they way it always should of been you as Michael's vessel and Sam as Lucifer's."

Dean nodded, Castiel's words whirling in his head, taking it all in. Without hesitation he placed the amulet around his neck and that was where it going to stay. Nothing this big will ever come between them again because he is going to make sure that Sam is always completely honest with him or he will have to kick his ass. It was a heavy load, he was wearing around his neck however one that some days would drag him down with responsibility and doubt of his actions but Sam would always be worth it no matter what happens.

Before he was sent way, he needed to know one thing, Castiel had gone through great emotional turmoil like he had just hours ago even though it felt like years and his is never going to be 'resolved' (ha, like that is going to happen, he just found out that the father he hero-worshipped was a lying arsehole) like his had, he just had to know if the Winchester's guardian angel is okay.

"Hey Cas, before you do zap me away: Are you okay?" Dean asked, looking straight in to Castiel's brilliant blue eyes.

It was a very general question but both knew what he was asking about.

"No, I don't believe this is something I will never be okay about, both of our father's have let down and ruined things that are special to us. How I am ever meant to deal with that?" Castiel looked at Dean like he had all the answers wrapped up in a sparkly bow.

"You could do what I do which is go on a bender," Dean smirked, imagining the angel drunk, now that would be a sight to see.

"I will take that into consideration," Castiel told him, his eyes brightened slightly at the suggestion.

What surprised Dean more by that reply was that he didn't ask what a bender actually was. He suspected the little baby angel was growing up and it was his corruption that was doing the trick. Dean had no idea whether or not if he should be proud of this or not. While thinking these thoughts Castiel asked him if he was finally ready to return which he nodded in consent to.

"And by the way your angel brothers are biggest douche bags. I don't think that any other creature on any planet would ever able to contend with that," Dean informed him as Castiel put a finger on his forehead and sent him away.

Dean was now standing in the motel room, hating that Castiel had put him in the position that would be a certain chick flick, he was also glad that Sam was asleep as he could think about way he could play this, to say all he wanted to say but he was still holding Sam's diary maybe that would be the best place to start as he couldn't get over the fact that Sam going to shout at him for reading his diary so he may as well do that first. The other reason why he was so glad that Sam was asleep because he had to get some sleep or he would to be too emotional and he honestly needed to clear his head so he put the diary on the bedside table so he knew for certain that Sam would wake him up. It is not like he wanted to talk to right away in the first place, he just wanted to see if Sam was okay and the sound of the man sleeping in a separate bed beside him breathing lulling him into a peaceful slumber that until said man woke up.

And true to his word, Sam pulled the cover off violently and threw the diary at Dean's chest and bellowed, "What the fuck, Dean?"

"One, dude, that hurt," Dean growled, rubbing chest and yawning, "And two, it's not nice to throw things, Sammy."

"Don't call me Sammy!" Sam shouted at him, angrily.

"Who put your knickers in a twist?" Dean groaned, actually feeling surprisingly refreshed, it also felt like that the first time in the last year he could breathe properly.

"Where the hell did you get my diary? You complete and total arse, did you make Castiel go back in time to get it? Do want more things in your arsenal to have against me? Did you find it a thrilling read?" Sam ranted, pacing furiously.

"Stop it, Sam before we lose the insurance on the room for carpet damage," Dean told him, sternly.

"Did you enjoy what you read?" Sam asked, still pacing his long legs moving quickly, "Did you like laughing at your useless brother?"

"Sam, listen to me," Dean tried, getting up quickly trying to keep up with his brother but he was making it impossible especially because of his just woke up limbs.

"No, once in your miserable life listen to me, all you have ever done is put me down or sworn to protect me but all you have done is recently is put me down and this one time I might actually need my big brother. He does something that shows that he doesn't care if he is my brother or not. Now you read my diary something I am so sure that you would never do, but you just invade my privacy like it's your right like my it doesn't mean a thing but it does. I am a person no matter what you think," Sam continued to rage, "I have tried so hard to get your trust back, so friggin' hard but obviously you didn't care. Just wanted to see if I murdered kittens like the good little demon freak I am."

"Stop it, Sam," finally managing getting in front of him, grabbing hold of the grey t-shirt he was wearing.

Releasing his brother, Dean watched as his eyes looked down at his chest and thought it was slightly amusing when his eyes widens in surprise.

"What? Where did you get that?" Sam questioned, his faced seemed lighter somehow, much happier and a lot less brooding.

"Cas thought it was a good time for me to go through a journey of self discovery," Dean informed, dryly.

"Uh, I don't really know how to respond that," Sam said, looking at him strangely and muttered underneath his breath, "And you say I'm the gay one."

"What did you just say?" Dean thundered, growling.

Sam looked at him innocently, and said, "Nothing, I didn't say anything!"

They looked at each for a few moments as they clearly didn't know what to say to each other, Sam looked nervous, wondering on how much his brother knew and what the fallout going to be and Dean looked panicked, wondering how Sam was going to take all that he wanted to say but something he had to, he just had to before he had to talk to Sam about all the crap he had seen he had to hug him. When Dean wrapped his arms around his larger younger brother Sam tensed up and didn't move to return it however a few seconds later he hugged his brother as hard as he could like he would if thought that Dean was his only chance of redemption or maybe he was the only one that Sam wanted to be redeemed by not the world he had helped destroy just the man who raised and cared for him. Dean just held onto the idea of getting his baby brother back and they clung onto each other longer than they had ever had in a hug such as this one.

"So what did this 'Journey of Self Discovery' entail?" Sam laughed, after Dean had released from his tight grip, looking anywhere but Dean who was right in front of him.

"It was mostly him showing me your real happiest memories," Dean explained, and then slightly more quietly, "And your worse."

"Okay," Sam nodded, rubbing his unshaven face, clearly trying to think it through, "How did this happen? I wasn't there so I couldn't be part of it and Castiel certainly isn't powerful enough to do something like that."

"Um, Gabriel kind of was the one who sorted all of it out," Dean admitted, scratching his head.

"Gabriel? You mean the trickster?" Sam laughed, clearly filled with relief, "You do realise that you can't believe anything that happened."

Looking at the relived look on Sam's face, he knew that exact second that what actually he saw was the truth any doubt of that had gone and he knew that he couldn't avoid this confrontation no matter how much he wanted to. It was one that was sorely needed along ago, so there no use wasting time now.

"Sam," Dean looked straight into his eyes, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Sam's gaze reached the floor, he looked so much smaller than he actually was, the Winchester was sometimes so talented at that or maybe it was just Dean who desperately clutched at the idea of Sam being so young, small and innocent and his latest adventure had reinforced that.

"What do you…"Sam was cut off.

"Don't you dare try to say that you don't know," Dean ordered, pulling him along and taking him to the small table that the motel provided, "Sit."

Sam sat down looking out of place, the table was way to small for him so was the chair, he looked like a giant sitting in a child's chair and Dean found this so very amusing and had keep a snort in as it probably ruin the tense mood which unfortunately was needed.

"So, I am guessing you know," Sam started, and he finished with a hopeful conclusion of, "And you are wearing your amulet and the hug so I am guessing that maybe you are on my side."

"Of course I am on your side, you idiot!" Dean told him, annoyed sitting on the table across from him, "You're my brother, forget about all that crap about it's Winchester's against the world, if Dad doesn't think you a Winchester then I am not either, it's Sam and Dean against the world until the end of time."

"You do realise that you are more of a girl than I am?" Sam laughed, "I mean seriously confessing your little heart out. I can see the pigtails all blonde and curly."

No matter what Dean said though Sam was a Winchester and even though Sam he had done it less than his brother did and their father did before them but when they wanted to avoid something they cracked a joke just to keep their strong and surly façade.

"Dude, I am trying to be serious," Dean reprimanded, lightly, "We need to talk this over, if you have to understand what Dad did wasn't right and to be honest if I ever had to choose between you and him it would always be you."

"I know what Dad did was wrong, I should have realised it when I was younger that you didn't see me as a burden but I was young with not much self confidence," Sam waved his hands like it had explained it all, "But I was the annoying little brother who was always bothering you to play with me or teach me something new but Dad he was the one you looked at with such an adoration. I didn't think I could ever compete with him and anyway you have to admit I was always the spare luggage. But I know now that Dad was in the wrong for what he did and I should have fought him so I could be with you."

Dean looked at Sam's face, and he was lying it was a face that Dean saw often now, too often but he was not going to let this one go. He couldn't, he wasn't going to let the relationship with his brother continue the way it was going with resentment and bitterness. He tried to rack his brain when the last time he had a proper carefree childlike banter which was once so happened so often but he couldn't, it must have been a long time ago. It wasn't Sam and Dean, it wasn't them, and it was like a bunch of strangers living together like roommates that just met each other.

"Come on, Sammy, you think that I believe that?" Dean watched as he lost eye contact.

That was when Sam got angry; he didn't want Dean to lose something else especially something so important to him like faith in his father even if he had to make himself the bad guy.

"No, do you want to know why because I don't believe the crap you're spewing so don't you question me! I am the starter of the Apocalypse, I was the one who drank demon blood and both of us know that it's just a matter of time before I fell of the handle! Of course I am a burden, you shouldn't have came back for me after I went to Stanford, you shouldn't even looked me after I runaway to Flagstaff. I am freak and I wish you could see that like Dad did," Sam told, loudly clearly filled with pain.

"You are not a freak; I don't how to drill that into your thick head of yours. I have learnt something you would always have to go down that path chosen for you but now we are going down a different path and because of this we are strong enough to fight destiny. Come on, man, we are stronger than Michael and Lucifer, they couldn't fight theirs but we can," Dean was determined to regain eye contact and half way through his big speech he had managed and what he got was big brown puppy dog eyes which were so hopeful.

They had quickly turned dark again, "You should've of killed me when you had the chance, you weren't able to save me because I wasn't stupid enough to not let you."

"Jesus Christ! Sammy, I could never kill you. Dad was so wrong to ask me to do that, all of his life all he told me to protect you even when I always would but constantly but then he turns around and tells me that that boy, the boy I looked after, zipped his coat up, taught him how to read using comic books was going to turn into something that I was supposed to hunt. It wasn't fair if Dad wanted you dead, he should have attempted to kill you himself but if he did he would have a very angry older brother on his arse," Dean said, seriously.

Sam looked straight into his eyes and then he realised that all he told him was the truth, Dean was always there fro him, sure they had they had their fair sure of fights but most siblings do, no matter what happened they would always be there for each other. Maybe his Dad was wrong to have treated him the way he had, he didn't feel like he was: he did put Dean in danger just being around him, he sold his soul for him for goodness sake. However, that didn't matter because they had gotten where they were by not trusting each other so if Dean had what he was saying was the truth, he going to try his damn hardest to believe him. That made him feel euphoric and he was glad to have such have heavy burden lifted.

Happy, which was an emotion that Sam hadn't associated with himself recently but he was and as he sat there in silence with a smile small smile on his face, Dean did as well just smiling at each other in complete contentment which was surprising Dean normally wasn't comfortable if there wasn't any noise around but he was. There were still a few issues to contend before they had finished with though.

"You know that wasn't me?" Dean asked him, he readjusted his words when he saw the confused look on his face, "That voicemail the angels screwed with it, to make you really go off the edge, we were pushed and pulled in the direction they wanted us to go, we had no choice but now we do together, little brother."

"So, not even Dad will get in our way?" Sam asked, just wanting to make sure even though he had known what he had done that Dean still wasn't on his side.

"Nope, Sammy, not even that man and stop thinking him as your Dad, he doesn't deserve that, the Apocalypse was his fault just as much it was the angels and demons and ours, what did he even do for you?" Dean asked, he wasn't finished and clearly was going to answer his own question, "I was the one who looked after you, made sure you eat and slept during your crazy revision sessions, got bullies off your back, Dad never did any of that, sometimes he did that for me but never for you ever since I told you that Christmas Eve all he did was force you to learn about the Supernatural and feed you information about yellow eyes. I was the one who raised you, you where never his, you're mine. So you're going to have to give me time getting use to giving you space once you're overprotective of someone it's hard to get rid of."

"Wow, man super possessive vibes, you're not going to beat some guy up because he looked at me in a funny way, point to my chest and declare 'mine' and then drag me up to your cave are you?" Sam mocked, seeing a point where this serious conversation could end.

"Dude, if I had a cave it would be filled with foxy girls not gigantic little brothers," Dean scoffed.

Even though they didn't truly discuss what actually happened this was all that they needed, to know that they had each other and that they breaking bond was truly solid once more and Dean knew for sure that he was never going to let it get that bad ever again, they would fix it together no matter the problem, how big it was, for goodness sake they where going to kick the Apocalypse in it's arse and no one was going to stop them.

"You know Dean, I don't really mind when you get protective over me. I was felt that I wasn't worth it at the time," Sam shared, with a small smile.

The truth was he did love it when Dean got protective over him; it made him feel like had someone to lean on and would gauge the weight without a compliant. The other truth was he never felt like he had deserved it, his father had filled his head with all sorts of messages that you could never get rid no matter how hard you try to scratch them out they would always return repeating the awful words at you. Dean was someone special and only good people deserve someone like him to look for him not someone like Sam.

"Sam the caring and sharing moment is over, god, I already knew that, I was planning to attach a GPS system to you tomorrow because you know what you are still grounded from Flagstaff don't think I have forgotten," Dean told him, smiling, glad that he was finally allowed to follow his instincts again when it came to Sam.

"Ha, like you could catch me," Sam snorted and then groaned, "That doesn't mean you are going to call out for me every five minutes when I am in the shower again."

"I don't care how long your legs are; I can still run twice as fast as you," Dean announced, cockily, "Sure does, I don't want your legs wearing out from the chase might as well stop you while you are ahead."

"You're such a jerk," Sam smiled.

"And you will always be my little bitch!" Dean told him.

At that moment they looked at each other and burst out with laughter.

"That sounded so wrong," Sam cackled.

"I know, Sammy," he chuckled.

**I must apologise to anyone I creeped out you guys know who are I think, I get a bit passionate when comes to my story or John (gasp, the name makes me shudder). Stop being over-dramatic, tried and failed many times.**

**Thanks to anyone who to stuck with me until the end and I hope to see you in hell (hopefully in the cage because I think Supernatural has made me have an unhealthy obsession with Lucifer) or at the bonus chapters which ever will come first. Honestly, I am hoping for hell so I can bask in the Devil's glory**.

**Thanks to everyone who favourited, followed and reviewed (sorry) this story…**

**I am actually feeling quite sad it is over for awhile, I won't be here writing stupid messages to you wonderful people next Thursday. **


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